00:00.0
00:03.8
The firework reports are just in
00:03.9
00:04.9
Loud bangs here and here and apparently...
00:05.0
00:07.3
...a Roman Candle just here.
00:07.4
00:11.5
A Catherine Wheel is causing problems near the Green Man
00:11.6
00:15.9
And some children have been seen with sparklers near the War Horse.
00:17.4
00:21.3
Well, that'll be because it's bonfire night, won't it?
00:31.0
00:33.5
You haven't been down here as long as you think, boss.
00:34.0
00:35.7
It's only September.
00:52.5
00:58.5
Please leave the room if your wife is called Karen.
01:12.9
01:14.0
What is Buckshaw Village coming to?
01:15.0
01:18.3
It's turning into fucking Beiruit!
01:18.4
01:23.2
My cat is going to have a bloody fit when she finds out it isn't Bommy Night!
01:24.4
01:28.1
So no treacle toffee either!
01:28.9
01:30.5
I haven't even warned the dog!
01:31.3
01:33.6
What about my gerbil? He's already twitchy.
01:33.7
01:40.1
My daughter's goldfish is going to think drug dealers with uzi's are taking pot shots at it!
01:40.2
01:42.2
Boss nobody thinks gunfights when they think Buckshaw!
01:43.2
01:45.8
Nobody thought they'd turn the Cow Shed into a tanning salon but they did!
01:46.2
01:48.0
It's not even against the law to use fireworks during Emmerdale!
01:48.1
01:52.9
What's the law got to do with anything? I don't want my evening interrupted...
01:53.0
01:53.9
...by a nine year old ....
01:55.5
01:58.8
...who can't have a birthday without his parents setting fire to £50 worth of cheap rockets.
01:58.9
02:03.7
Poor little Johnny wants to celebrate his birthday. Why can't he do it more quietly?
02:03.8
02:08.6
Has he not got enough flashes and bangs on his X-Box?
02:08.7
02:10.7
He's having a nice time meanwhile everyone else has got cats and dogs
02:10.8
02:13.1
and hamsters and goldfish going out of their minds
02:13.4
02:17.0
and reaching for the Prozac
02:17.1
02:21.9
I came here because it was quiet and because of the nice houses. I can park my Mercedes on a peasant if I like.
02:27.0
02:29.4
Instead, what have I got?
02:30.6
02:36.1
A demented Cockerpoo, an anxious terrapin and I have to keep rewinding Netflix.
02:41.0
02:47.3
All because people want to enjoy themselves without asking for my permission first! The selfish bastards!
02:48.1
02:53.7
Neurotic pets and explosives. We didn't have this in Hindley Green.
02:53.9
02:56.0
It's like living near a bomb factory.
02:56.1
03:02.7
A bomb factory with roundabouts, modern housing, a KFC and an unhappy chihuahua.
03:03.9
03:07.2
I'm sure nobody will mind at New Year.
03:14.3
03:16.5
I don't know what to do anymore.
03:19.3
03:23.5
I suppose this was what we did to London during the Blitz.
03:25.2
03:26.1
I'm leaving.
03:31.1
03:33.0
I've had enough.
03:40.2
03:45.5
I'm going where the sunshines brightly, I'm going where the sea is blue
03:46.0
03:49.4
I've seen it in the movies, you know
03:53.4
03:55.3
How far is it to Hull?
