00:10.2
00:12.3
Welcome, Neo.
00:15.6
00:20.1
The Band Director is waiting for you.
00:20.2
00:22.7
A word of advice...
00:22.8
00:26.7
...don't touch the Beethoven bobble head.
00:32.5
00:37.0
Neo... thanks for coming.
00:38.8
00:42.8
I hear you want to join the marching band.
00:43.2
00:47.3
Is it true a member died from lack of water breaks?
00:47.8
00:50.4
No, that is a lie spreading on Twitter.
00:50.6
00:55.8
She died of heat exhaustion.
01:06.0
01:13.5
You must feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland.
01:13.6
01:16.6
How far down the marching band hole are you willing to go, huh?
01:16.7
01:21.5
wearing those... funny looking hats in front of your friends...
01:21.6
01:24.3
nursing a perpetual sunburn...
01:25.3
01:29.2
that will persist through the summer and never heal.
01:29.3
01:32.8
Doing push-ups on broiling hot blacktop.
01:32.9
01:34.8
Does this frighten you, Neo?
01:35.9
01:37.9
But why not?
01:38.0
01:40.9
Because I heard some things about the band bus.
01:41.0
01:47.0
I deny everything you ever heard about the band bus.
01:48.3
01:51.9
Now here comes my recruiting speech.
01:52.0
01:55.4
The marching band can be a wonderful thing.
01:55.5
01:57.8
Most of the time... it's fun.
01:57.9
02:06.2
But sometimes you will be required to sell candy, and other things, at a 4000 percent markup.
02:06.3
02:11.1
...or more. Depending on my mood.
02:11.2
02:16.0
You must try to sell to everyone in your family.
02:16.1
02:20.4
Again and again and again.
02:20.6
02:23.0
Do we ever play music?
02:24.2
02:28.1
We sometimes play music, while we do fake ballet.
02:30.7
02:33.3
Music is a small part of marching band.
02:33.4
02:37.6
It must be memorized, and checked off as proof.
02:37.7
02:43.1
If you do not, you will be shamed in front of the whole band.
02:43.7
02:46.2
...and forced to sell extra candy.
02:46.3
02:51.1
You must always march in step. On the beat.
02:51.2
02:57.9
If you do not, you will be humiliated on the performance video.
03:04.5
03:07.9
Because it's tradition, Neo.
03:08.8
03:16.0
We do many things out of tradition that make no sense to anybody.
03:16.1
03:20.5
You must blindly follow these traditions.
03:25.1
03:27.6
Now you must decide...
03:27.7
03:32.5
Which section of the marching band you will join.
03:32.6
03:37.4
There are two primary sections.
03:45.2
03:49.3
Each is important... each has a role.
03:50.0
03:53.5
If you take this, the blue pill,
03:53.7
03:57.0
you will become a musician, and begin selling band candy.
03:57.8
03:58.7
But take the red pill,
03:58.8
04:00.9
You will become a drummer,
04:01.0
04:06.4
and never learn to read music, or get a job after high school.
04:14.0
04:15.5
Remember...
04:15.6
04:20.4
...marching band will become your life. Your only life.
04:22.9
04:27.9
<Silent Thought> Color guard chicks love drummers!
04:28.2
04:30.8
<Smart Kid>
04:32.2
04:37.0
Now let's get to practice!
