Good morning! Now a very good morning!

My friends, for everyone's sake,

I was up until a few hours ago watching the Superbowl, the so called Superbowl

I had never watched it before

in order to now present a sort of journalistic piece

and to provide some general thoughts.

So go on, did you watch it all?

Yes Pedro, I did watch it and normally since we don't have this sport here

and we don't quite get it would be tempting to react arrogantly and call it total stupid

Well, in this case the temptation is fully justified: it is in fact totally stupid

Come on, maybe it is as stupid as your dear football.

No!
It already starts badly because as you all know,

it was a match between the New England Patriots [badly pronounced] and the Atlanta Falcons [badly pronounced]

in other words...I don't care, they also don't pronounce our words correctly, so I also will not...

Someone has to stand up for us.

This means, therefore, the Patriots of New England against the Falcons of Atlanta

These are teams which should not be allowed to compete in the same championship

since one is an animal while the other is a personal characteristic

Here we have Eagles vs. Lions, which makes sense,
Lions vs. Dragons, fine

Now Patriots vs. Falcons
makes no sense.

It would be like having the Los Angeles Bears
vs. the Kentucky Jeleous

Or the Miami Dophins
vs. the Seattle Distracted

I should be a fan of the Distracted,
but most likely forgot date of the game and wouldn't show up.

Which is only fair, Markl.

Someone else who seems to be distracted is the referee, because the game is composed by 4 15-min chunks,

but ends up taking 5 hours.

One tries to go to be bed but can't
because they are wasting time...

for each minute of play there is 10 mins of talk

back and forth etc. and lets get a burger.

And Ricardo, from the point of view of a Portuguese, used to our football, what does the game look like?

So Vasco, it looks like the 11 guys
from the Telepizza [pizza delivery company]

got into a fight with 11 guys from Pizza Hut.

You can't quite tell where they left their delivery scooters, but they are all still wearing the helmets.

And this leaves the viewer feeling uncomfortable, because while they are throwing punches

someone is waiting for 22 4 seasons with extra cheese. You see?

You its this, they are pizza delivery guys...
...having a fight.

But did you get the rules or not?

So lets see, Pedro, they are constantly chasing the
so called ball

they simply say "ball",
but I will always refer it as so called ball

because I'm someone who respects the laws of geometry, as you all know.

But it is extremely irritating watching the game
when the commentators making reference to a ball

I spent 5 hours shouting at the TV: "It is not a ball! It is not!"

Neither I or Euclides of Alexandria define it as a ball!

People in your neighborhood must really like you!

Yes, the neighbors live far away,
so its fine I can yell at 5 in the morning

So, the game starts. And one of the Telepizza guys throws the so called ball to another one, who is further away.

And they say, "Excellent pass".
Throwing the ball [by hand]? No man, pass with your foot!

Pass with your foot! Throwing the ball is too easy! Reminds me of when I was playing with my daughters and they were always picking up the ball.

And I would constantly be saying, "No, not with your hand, play with your foot"!

Nuno: "Balling the throw" even I can.

Of course, throwing the ball is easy, Nuno.

Nuno: "Balling the throw" even I can.

Indeed, throwing the ball even you can do it, Nuno.

Nuno: "Balling the throw" even I can
Throwing the ball(!) even I can

Nuno: Did I just say "balling the throw"? I'm so stupid.
Yes, some 2-3 times!
Nuno: Throwing the ball even I can...

It is still quite early.
Vasco: do you want to say it just one more time?
Nuno: Throwing the ball even I can!

Nuno: we have to get back to the script.

And that's the thing, one can't quite tell,
since the objective is to fake the ball

One doesn't quite know who has the
so called ball.

Because the guys from the Telepizza don't want the Pizza Hut who has the so called ball,

And so we can only tell who has the so called ball because he is the one who has highest number of people who want to kill him

So this is another cool difference w.r.t. our football.

They define things differently to us.

They say, "beautiful play"!
While we would say, "immediate red card".

We would say, "Ah, he is just throwing himself on the ground"
while they say "Amazing goal!"

So apart from throwing themselves to the ground,
they have to kick the so-called ball right?

Indeed, they do. They have to kick the so called ball, in what is a type of penalty kick without goalkeeper

And the objective is to get the so called ball through a U.

If they get the ball through the U,
they get points.

And who says if the ball went through the U, is the referee.

And just like the coaches,
looks like someone who works in a call center.

Since they all wear headsets, and every once in a while chat.
Most likely they are talking to the person waiting for the pizzas.

Just one more moment please, we are working on it.

And in the middle of all this, as we are watching the game, everything stops.

Because Lady Gaga wants to give a concert.

Which is weird, because we are watching football and then all of a sudden Lady Gaga.

And the public have to change mood from

football fan to concert goer, in other words, have to go from "You dumb ref, thats not a foul" to

"You are amazing, play that one song".

And so an uncomfortable feeling arises.

Lady Gaga rapels down from somewhere

It seems like there was also music, but the most important items were fireworks, rappel and drones.

An actual swarm of drones

and in the meantime,
I fell asleep

And Ricardo, who won the game?

I'm not too sure, because I fell asleep...