Of course when I say co-operate and be enthusiastic what I really mean is we'll be the worst neighbours possible.

You've had a taste of our racist ways now, wait till I can deport EU nationals.

There's over 3 million Brits living in the rest of the EU we don't give a shiny shit about.

What we care about is getting the best deal for my party interests.

We want to have the same access and benefits of EU membership as we do now.

But without the free movement of people, or the budget contribution, or any of the rules.

We're happy to trade you terrorist information, there's a lot of far right activity in the UK, we aren't sure why.

Britain leaving the EU is going to be difficult, there'll have to be some give and take.

When we hear what you're going to give us, we'll tell you what we want to take in return.

While I've been here I've pushed the issue of Russia, not least because we want to sell arms to NATO's armed forces,

but also because I need to be at the centre of attention and we aren't allowed to discuss Brexit.

Silly Europeans and their need to follow rules and procedures all the time, oh I don't know...

What others call problems we call opportunities.

Opportunities to appease a few million racists by deporting some of your lot.

To tackle global migration we have a simple aim, make it really difficult to enter the UK.

52% of all Brits who ever lived definitely voted to leave to cut immigration numbers.

So to make them feel special we are going to change the terms of the Refugee Convention.

Soon only those who are currently being physically persecuted can claim asylum in the UK.

They will have to be in their homeland to be persecuted, and they'll also have to be in the UK to claim. Simultaneously!

Do you have Attorney General Jeremy Wright on the line?

Yes he says the verdict is coming through by coded telegraph of all things.

We also had word from the EU, they will be conducting most negotiations in French.

I don't speak French, the sneaky bastards.

The Attorney General should be back at his desk now.

What date have the Remoaners got their appeal then?

Not yet.

I can't wait to announce that only I am sovereign.

Almost ready Prime Minister.

Headlines tomorrow "Brexit victory" I see it now...

The verdict is in. It appears that Parliament is sovereign and must vote to invoke Article 50.

We lost on all of our case arguments, the Supreme Court appeal begins in a month. I'm sorry.

Fucking useless, that's what you are. You're in the cabinet because you're not an expert, why weren't you able to do this?

Those bastard Remainers and their incessant crowdfunding plans.

I'll have Gove do the French speaking, he's quite convincing.

Prime Minister what do we do if Parliament blocks Brexit?

Kill them!

This is ridiculous we have a hole the size of China in our Treasury.

Fucking Leadsom talking crap about jam. Do you know we'll have to increase Strawberry yields by some 150 million tons to even come close to what we'll lose.

112,173,600,000 pots of jam, a year. Nobody likes jam that much.

I like jam.

I prefer Marmalade.

You'll fucking have jam and like it.

Get after him, tell him we'll let him have seedless.

I quit, give me the number for the jobcentre.

You mean we can quit? I really want to.

Of course you can't quit, you have to remain.

Remain ha I voted Leave, I'm out of here.

Put down that phone or I swear...