00:00.2
00:04.7
We first saw the image on Twitter, Boris.
00:04.8
00:08.3
A £6 tub of Lurpak at Asda. It's £7.25 at Waitrose.
00:08.4
00:15.9
The cost of living crisis is finally hitting Tory voters. What are they meant to do, buy own-brand spread?
00:17.0
00:20.8
Enough about grease. What else is happening on Twitter? Anything?
00:23.2
00:29.8
Boris... Rishi...
00:29.9
00:36.1
Rishi Sunak and Sajid Javid have tweeted their resignation. They said the government can't go on like this.
00:53.2
01:01.6
Everyone out. Except Nadine, Priti and Zadhim.
01:13.7
01:22.4
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? I THOUGHT THIS PINCHER NONSENSE WAS IN HAND - I MEAN SORTED OUT!
01:22.5
01:27.3
Now you're telling me that Rishi and Sajid have left?
01:30.9
01:35.9
Nadine, you said that going full culture war on Channel 4 was going to distract everybody!
01:36.3
01:40.0
Just in time for Chelsea fucking Clinton to do a cameo in the Derry Girls finale!
01:40.7
01:44.0
Boris, I had no idea people would love Derry Girls this much. It's unfortunate but –
01:44.2
01:46.0
Shut the FUCK up! And will you STOP Whatsapping me extracts from your new novel at night!
01:46.1
01:49.0
Boris, I thought you enjoyed getting sneak peeks of my new romance, Angels of Number 10 –
01:49.1
01:53.0
No, I DO NOT. I fucking HATE it.
01:53.1
01:54.0
You are a TERRIBLE writer.
01:57.2
02:04.5
And Priti, I thought you said deporting brown people to Rwanda would get our numbers up
02:04.6
02:09.4
Now it turns out the only person the British public want to deport is ME. And Rishi and Sajid are all too happy to help them.
02:09.5
02:14.3
I knew I shouldn't have laughed at them when they told me they were going to watch the new Minions film.
02:14.4
02:22.1
But those tiny yellow freaks just make my fucking skin crawl and I CAN'T HELP IT.
02:24.0
02:37.3
At least nobody else in Cabinet has resigned. They don't have the balls to stick the knife in the Big Dog.
02:40.6
02:48.8
After everything I've done for this party... All the credit I took for things that had nothing to do with me...
02:48.9
02:55.5
All the lies I told to get the public on our side... This is how they treat me? They want to toss me aside like Matt Hancock's wife?
02:55.9
03:02.8
If it wasn't for me, Jeremy Corbyn would be PM and we wouldn't be able to hand our crony friends all those NHS contracts!
03:05.2
03:07.7
Don't cry, Will Quince, we'll get our chance to resign soon.
03:14.3
04:00.0
That's it. I've got no other choice now. It really is the dregs left. Nadhim, you're the new Chancellor.