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This episode of Musical Hell is brought to you by Midnight Musicals. Welcome to the musical podcast underground.
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And by Cafe Himbo cookbooks. Celebrating his 10th anniversary. Thank you.
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00:18.2
Greetings, mortals. Welcome to another session of the infernal court in Musical Hell.
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00:24.0
I'm Diva, your judge, jury, executioner, and stranger in a strange land.
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00:30.2
Bollywood is an area of cinema I don't know a whole lot about but kinda wish I did.
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00:32.1
The reasons should be obvious.
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00:35.3
Music is deeply ingrained in Indian film to the point
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00:39.8
that songs from movies are a significant portion of the country's popular music.
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00:42.9
And while the performances of these songs are distinctly different
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00:46.4
from what we might find in an American-style book musical,
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00:51.0
their aesthetic has influenced musical sequences in several Hollywood films.
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00:54.2
There's clearly a rich history and culture here,
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00:57.6
and the thought of diving into it is somewhat intimidating.
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00:59.5
I do know one thing, though.
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01:05.1
Our next offender, Basmati Blues, is a very bad place to start.
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01:12.1
This 2017 mostly direct-to-stream movie has been promoted as a love letter to the Bollywood musical.
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01:16.2
A claim I find suspicious, as neither producer Monique Caufield
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01:18.1
nor director-writer Dan Baron
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01:20.0
nor co-writer Jeff Dorchen
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01:23.7
had actually seen a Bollywood movie prior to making this.
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01:27.6
I have dealt with many passion projects that have gone wrong,
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01:31.7
but this may be the first time I've seen the exact opposite of one.
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01:37.5
Filming began in 2013 with a then-relatively unknown Brie Larson in the lead role,
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01:41.3
but was cut short due to the onset of monsoon season in India,
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01:45.6
forcing the filmmakers to raise more money to do a reshoot two years later.
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01:47.6
By the time the release rolled around,
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01:51.2
Larson had an Oscar and a spot in the Marvel stable to her name.
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01:55.5
So the producers were probably hoping on her increased clout to carry the film.
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02:01.1
Instead, they ran into a huge backlash as the trailer unleased a flood of yikes
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02:05.4
for what looked to be a superficial story laden with cultural stereotypes
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02:07.2
and a white savior narrative.
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02:13.6
Which ... well, we must examine the case of Basmati Blues to weigh those accusations.
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02:17.8
The movie begins with a cheap CGI space flythrough
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02:22.5
that makes me wonder if I've taken a wrong turn into a Neil Green project.
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02:25.2
And apart from a few sitar and drum riffs,
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02:28.0
the music isn't putting me in mind of India.
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02:32.1
It's more like something you'll hear in the lower eschelons of Christian pop.
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02:36.3
This may be understandable, as it's revealed Brie Larson is listening
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02:40.6
to this Inspiromatic 2000 composition while doing lab work.
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02:45.4
LARSON [singing]: There's a time for letting go.
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02:49.6
DIVA: Larson plays Dr. Linda Watt, who works with her father Eric,
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02:51.5
for a company called Mogil.
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02:54.6
Which, as far as suspicious company names go,
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02:58.7
ranks just below Mega Evil Malicious Villainy, Inc.
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03:01.6
Dad's exposition-heavy Skype call lets us know
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03:05.6
that the two of them have been working on the genetically modified Rice 9,
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03:09.5
which has proven super successful and is being introduced to farmers in India
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03:13.9
and they're getting new research funding and also Linda's dead mom would be so proud.
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03:17.9
DARK HELMET: Everybody got that? Good!
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03:23.2
DIVA: All of this has Linda feeling good about herself in an upbeat opening number kind of way.
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03:33.7
[various background noises]
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03:37.5
DIVA: What are you doing? Stop that!
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03:41.7
Sin #1 is the opening number, "All Signs Point to Yes."
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03:47.0
I hate it when a trope I normally enjoy gets used terribly, as is the case here.
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03:50.5
This is *not* how you do found percussion.
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03:53.0
There is way too much going on.
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03:55.0
Look at "Cell Block Tango."
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04:00.4
It starts with a dripping faucet, then a footstep, then drumming fingernails,
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04:02.5
now the tango rhythm is coming through,
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04:05.7
and by the time the lyrics start in, we've got a good beat going.
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04:07.2
Nothing too complicated.
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04:11.7
But here we've got crickets chirping and doves cooing and some kind of oat-coffee thing
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04:15.4
and traffic and sirens and would you all quiet down so I can hear the music?!
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04:17.9
Not that there's much worth hearing.
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04:22.3
The song is trying to paint Linda as a quirky, loveable, visionary go-getter.
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04:26.2
But it makes her feel like a bad knockoff of Anna from Frozen.
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04:33.4
LINDA [singing]: All sings point to yes! Yes! Yes!
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04:38.3
DIVA: At the Mogil lab, company executive Evelyn is talking up Rice 9 to the press.
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04:42.5
It resists drought and pests and has as many nutrients as a steak dinner
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04:46.2
and probably also cleans your car and juliennes fries.
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04:50.2
All well and good, but of course the obviously evil corporation
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04:53.8
has evil doings afoot in its obviously evil boardroom.
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04:57.9
GURGON: Movie time, gentlemen.
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05:01.9
DIVA: Well, no wonder the corporation is evil. It's run by President Snow.
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05:06.4
Mogil CEO Gurgon is eager to corner the rice market in India,
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05:08.6
but there have been stumbling blocks.
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05:12.7
Apart from those gosh-darn Indians not being too interested in white people
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05:15.1
coming in and telling them how to cultivate a crop
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05:17.7
they've been growing for about five millenia now,
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05:21.6
their sales rep has been getting drunk and sleeping with politicians' wives
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05:24.1
and generally bad PR all around.
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05:26.8
So Gurgon makes the smart business decision
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05:31.0
of just suggesting a new rep at random from his highly-surveilled employees.
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05:34.4
INTERVIEWER: Isn't it true you created this just so Mogil could patent and own it?
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05:37.4
LINDA: No, we created it to help farmers all over the world.
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DIVA: Yes, Linda is young, pretty, and innocently believes that her work
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05:44.1
is in the service of the common good,
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05:46.1
rather than in enriching her employers,
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05:49.1
all of which have Gurgon going, "That's our Hitler!"
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05:52.1
Linda is a bit skeptical of the prospect, though,
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05:55.5
as in addition to all her other naïve ingénue qualities,
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05:58.0
she's hardly set foot out of her own neighborhood.
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06:02.3
Which, when you consider she lives in the middle of one of the most diverse cities
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06:05.5
in the United States is especially sad.
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06:10.1
But Gurgon is threatening to cut lab funding if the Rice 9 sale doesn't go through,
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06:12.7
so one establishing shot of a plane later,
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06:15.6
she's getting her first glimpse of India.
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06:23.7
[light music]
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06:28.7
DIVA: You know you're in a bad place when your movie is sending its white protagonist to India
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06:32.2
and her first reaction to the situation basically reads as,
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06:35.5
"Oh no, there are so many brown people here!"
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06:39.9
I can see why so many people found this movie insulting.
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06:43.9
The way the primary setting is treated is shallow and condesending.
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06:47.8
Linda's first experiences in India are an embarrassing playup
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06:51.0
of how exotic and non-European everything is.
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06:54.3
"Look, they have animals out in the open and everything!"
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06:58.3
"People actually ride in carts pulled by oxen—no motors!"
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07:02.7
"There's this thing where they wash your feet while waving a flaming coconut in your face."
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07:06.5
"And they eat with their hands! How weird is that?!"
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07:10.0
This is a good example of why putting a white person
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07:14.0
at the center of your story about a non-white culture is a bad idea.
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07:18.7
It makes everything about their reaction to what they see rather than the culture itself.
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07:22.5
Not that there's much of the culture to speak of.
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07:26.8
For a movie that claims to be a love letter to Bollywood and India,
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07:29.5
there's very little of either involved.
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07:34.0
All the things you likely think of when picturing a Bollywood musical number—
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07:39.3
the large cast of dancers, the elaborate sets, the traditional costumes and dance moves—
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07:44.5
show up in this movie only briefly and in weak, half-hearted imitation.
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07:48.3
And don't expect anything about the history or culture of India either.
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07:53.4
For example, the second act of the film takes place during the lead-up to Diwali,
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07:57.3
a five-day festival of light that features luminous decorations,
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fireworks, and gifts and food with family,
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all of which barely feature in the movie itself.
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One character makes an off-hand and highly over-simplified comment
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08:09.9
about the holiday being like Christmas,
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08:13.1
and a few characters go to a club, and that's it.
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08:16.1
If you've seen that one episode of The Office,
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08:19.7
you know more about Diwali than this movie cares to show you.
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08:25.5
Basically, you could make this entire story about Linda selling corn to farmers in Iowa,
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08:27.6
and it wouldn't really change a thing.
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08:31.3
After Linda's whirlwind tour of Indian stereotypes,
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08:36.3
she arrives in the town of Bilari and is greeted by the agricultural office representative,
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08:39.1
a three-piece schmuck named William Patel.
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08:44.4
WILLIAM PATEL: Um, pardon me, you're Dr. Watt's assistant?
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08:51.3
DIVA: Ah yes, the good old "You can't possibly be a doctor because you're a lady girl with female parts."
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08:55.2
Because if there's one thing India's never heard of, it's a woman doctor.
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08:58.7
William, as you can probably guess, is the Mr. Wrong
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09:01.3
in this love triangle the movie is establishing.
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09:04.0
Mr. Right is a local boy named Rajit
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09:08.0
who Linda met-cute with on the train as they grabbed for the same cup of tea.
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09:10.9
Rajit was going to college but the money ran out,
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09:14.4
so he's back on the farm and is really bitter about that.
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09:21.0
RAJIT: I can't believe I'm back to this! I ... [groans]
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09:23.8
DIVA: At least the writers did have the sense to give the
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09:26.3
"everything's all rural here and I hate it" whining
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09:29.0
to one of the locals instead of the white expatriate.
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09:34.3
Speaking of, she's made herself comfortable at William's "Crazy Rich South Asians" compound
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09:39.0
and is touring the countryside via sin #3: "When Tomorrow Comes."
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09:46.3
LINDA [singing]: And when's the moment night is followed by day?
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09:49.8
DIVA: I'll take lyrics trying too hard to be profound for $800,
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09:52.1
whoever is making me miss Alex this week.
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09:56.9
Really, this entire song is just an excuse for more generic sitar riffs
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09:59.1
and Indians being Indian shots.
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10:04.2
The whole thing looks and sounds like a particularly bad vacation advertisement.
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10:10.6
"Explore the exotic beauty of India without leaving the comfort of your air-conditioned vehicle."
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"See locals hard at work in picturesque settings, doing things in a quaint, old-timey way."
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"Maybe you'll see dancing or this stern but wise looking old woman just kind of staring at you."
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10:27.2
"Pretend to get cultured with Non-Threatening Travels,
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10:31.1
for people who want to see the world without engaging in it."
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10:34.5
Linda's ride breaks down and her phone has died,
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10:38.2
so she really has no choice but to actually get out of the vehicle
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and do some looking around on foot.
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10:42.7
At which point she encounters Rajit again
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10:45.8
but fails to recognize him because he's right-side up.
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10:47.0
LINDA: Hello!
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10:51.4
LINDA [slowly]: Do you speak English?
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10:57.9
RAJIT: English? Yes, lady memsahib,
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11:01.3
I'm speaking English many year. Please, thank you!
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11:05.6
DIVA: To be fair, he did greet her with "Hi," instead of "Namaste,"
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11:07.9
so it was kind of a dumb question.
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11:13.6
Nevertheless, Rajit wastes no time having a bit of mean-spirited fun at Linda's expense.
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11:15.4
LINDA: Oh, is that for rice?
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11:20.7
RAJIT: No, is for killing monkeys. Come, watching.
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11:24.4
LINDA: I haven't seen any monkeys.
RAJIT: Shhh! Is good weapon.
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11:28.9
DIVA: Somehow the parts where they make fun of Linda being bewildered
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11:33.0
and unversed in local life are even worse than the parts where they play it straight.
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11:37.3
Possibly because these parts involve the guy the movie is trying to set her up with,
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11:40.6
and doesn't expect his actions to be a dealbreaker.
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11:46.3
William gets pissed off when Linda uses Rajit's joke head-slap greeting on a local elder,
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11:50.1
as he really wants this Mogil deal to go through so he can live in New York
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11:52.3
and make his father proud and stuff.
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11:56.9
Meanwhile, the next stop on Linda's goodwill tour is a dinner with a local family,
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12:00.4
and you'll never guess whose family she's scheduled to meet.
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No really, you couldn't *possibly* guess.
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12:07.6
LINDA: That's him! That's the monkey hunter!
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LITTLE BROTHER: Traditional family greeting! Oof!
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12:12.2
DIVA: Okay, maybe you will guess.
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12:15.8
Linda is shocked to finally recognize the guy from the train
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12:17.5
and that she's been played for a dupe,
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12:21.1
but she gets over it to share her mad guitar skills with her hosts
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12:25.3
and walk under the stars with Rajit while discussing their favorite weeds.
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12:27.3
I'm not even joking.
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12:31.3
LINDA: Hedysarum geranus. That is my sixth-favorite weed.
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12:33.2
RAJIT: Wow, that is so weird.
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12:34.2
LINDA: Yeah.
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12:38.6
DIVA: See, Rajit is into agriculture too and has a plan to raise money for college
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12:41.4
by selling stinkweed as a natural pest deterrent.
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12:45.1
Meanwhile, Linda is presenting her pest-deterrent rice to the locals
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and almost immediately starts bombing.
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12:50.1
SCIENTIST: Did you really hit our town elder?
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12:53.2
LINDA: It was a misunderstanding.
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12:56.0
[CROSSTALK]
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13:00.1
DIVA: It's not a promising beginning, but I'm sure that once she learns a little bit
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13:03.4
about the local people and their culture, they'll gradually—
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13:07.0
SCIENTIST: Mogil's got it all figured out with Rice 9. Even the stem beetles!
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13:10.5
DIVA: Or she'll just instantly win them over, I guess.
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13:14.6
The ease with which Linda and her Rice 9 are accepted
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13:16.9
is bothersome enough on the narrative level,
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13:21.0
but this particular setting is what really makes it rub the wrong way.
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13:26.5
This is India! The fight against British rule is still within living memory.
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13:30.5
One of the many reasons this film didn't play well with Indian audiences
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13:34.2
is because the villain's tactics are uncomfortably similar to those
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13:37.2
faced by indigo farmers in the 19th century.
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13:42.8
Linda should be met with a lot more inherent and justifiable mistrust than she is.
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13:48.5
But because she's a nice white girl and is able to meet the low bar of not a drunken lech,
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13:50.5
she's welcomed with open arms.
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13:54.5
The only person who doesn't instantly trust Linda is Rajit,
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13:58.0
who quite rightly points out that a large multinational corporation
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14:01.8
isn't providing fancy GMO rice out of pure altruism.
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14:05.3
He convinces the farmers to avoid signing contracts with Mogil
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14:10.7
until they compare the Rice 9 test harvest with his own stinkweed-protected paddies.
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14:14.5
Which will occur the day before Mogil hosts a rice exchange day
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14:18.0
where contracted farmers will trade in their old seeds for the new.
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14:22.3
So while Linda frets about not being able to get anyone to sign contracts,
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14:25.0
William flirts, Rajit glowers and argues with her,
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14:28.7
and they all have a big indie pop video together.
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14:35.6
ALL [overlapping singing]: Don't knock at my door. Don't come here no more.
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14:41.4
DIVA: Eventually, William reads the fine print in the farmers' contracts and discovers Mogil's angle.
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14:43.9
The grains produced by Rice 9 are sterile,
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14:47.1
meaning the farmers will have to buy fresh seed every year
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14:50.6
and essentially will be beholden to the corporation forever.
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14:52.9
He confronts Gurgon with this information,
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14:56.7
but Gurgon and Evelyn appeal to William's sense of materialism
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14:59.6
with sin #6: "The Greater Good."
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15:04.1
GURGON [singing]: When it comes to job creation, conglomerates can't be beat.
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15:09.5
EVELYN [singing]: You've gotta loosen up child labor laws and get the kiddies off of the street.
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15:13.4
DIVA: This does have some elements that would make for a good villain song.
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15:16.5
I can't say no to some jabs at late-stage capitalism.
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15:21.4
But here's the problem: you have Tyne Daly, who can sing,
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15:28.6
EVELYN [singing]: Rising tides will lift us all. (The greater good) From the rice field to the mall.
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15:34.6
DIVA: And then you have Donald Sutherland, who really can't and just talks his way through the part.
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15:37.8
GURGON [speak-singing]: It's the premise and the promise of the trickle-down system
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15:39.5
CHORUS [singing]: The greater good
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15:44.2
DIVA: Either of these approaches by themselves would be valid for the song.
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15:48.2
But when you put them together, it's not good.
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15:53.4
EVELYN AND GURGON: Start working for the greater good.
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15:57.5
DIVA: The song also goes through way too many genre changes.
15:57.6
16:02.1
From soft shoe to country to ... disco, I guess?
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16:07.0
EVELYN [singing]: That we can rest with easy conscience, knowing everything we've done...
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16:10.5
DIVA: Bottom line, William decides to sell out his home and country
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16:15.3
for the sake of expensive Scotch, a transfer to New York, and a nice cowboy hat.
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16:17.7
He takes Linda out dancing to celebrate,
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16:20.1
while Rajit and his sister Sita—
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16:25.5
who by virtue of being the only other woman between the ages of 18 and 50 in this movie
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16:27.7
has been designated as Linda's friend—
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16:29.6
sneak in through the back way.
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16:35.8
So Linda gets to see Rajit being adorably awkward and learns some basic bhangra moves from Sita.
16:35.9
16:38.9
All in all, it's hardly the club from In the Heights.
16:38.9
16:41.4
Here it's hardly the trailer for In the Heights.
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16:44.4
LINDA: Nobody's signing the contracts.
16:45.6
16:49.0
I don't know why. It's ... I've been losing sleep over it.
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16:52.9
DIVA: Oh yeah, did I mention Rajit set up this so-called contest
16:53.0
16:55.7
between himself and Linda without involving her?
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17:01.2
Why is this movie going out of its way to avoid any real plot conflict?
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17:04.3
Anyway, Rajit can't bring himself to come clean,
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17:06.5
but he does get to slow-dance with Linda
17:06.5
17:09.4
until William bribes a bouncer to have him thrown out.
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17:11.9
And before he can get around to his confession,
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17:15.4
Linda just happens to stumble onto the whole affair.
17:15.5
17:16.9
-Stinkweed!
-Linda!
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17:20.8
-Diwali! Lousy stars!
-Violence is not the answer.
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17:25.9
-Depends on the question.
-These are for you!
17:26.0
17:29.6
But it turns out that Linda's rice did outperform Rajit's,
17:29.7
17:31.8
so everyone's signing with Mogil now
17:31.9
17:34.7
and Linda learns Rajit just wanted to go back to college,
17:34.8
17:37.8
so everything's okay now between them, I guess?
17:37.9
17:41.3
At least until they start fighting again?
17:41.4
17:45.6
And then Rajit starts singing a love song to her?
17:45.7
17:54.1
RAJIT [singing]: All I am, I'm just a man / Who has loved you from the start
17:54.2
17:56.3
DIVA: I've just realized something.
17:56.4
18:01.7
If you take all the tired, overused romantic comedy beats and mix them up at random,
18:01.8
18:04.3
they're still tired and overused,
18:04.4
18:09.3
especially when the couple's attitudes towards each other keep bouncing between extremes.
18:09.3
18:12.6
For example, Rajit and Linda are making nice now,
18:12.7
18:16.4
but it's only a matter of time before Rajit learns Rice 9 is sterile
18:16.5
18:18.7
and believes Linda has betrayed his community,
18:18.8
18:20.9
even though she couldn't *possibly* know—
18:21.0
18:22.6
LINDA: You don't plant the rice that you harvest.
18:22.7
18:24.8
You eat that, and then you plant rice from seed.
18:24.9
18:28.6
RAJIT: Which we're expected to buy from Mogil every time we plant?
18:28.7
18:29.7
LINDA: Naturally.
18:29.8
18:36.5
DIVA: Or maybe she's known all along and fails to see why this might be an issue.
18:37.9
18:41.0
We come now to the main question before this court,
18:41.1
18:44.9
namely, does Basmati Blues promote white savior-ism?
18:45.0
18:47.7
The answer is ... yes and no.
18:47.8
18:51.5
You don't have to squint to see the elements of the trope in play here.
18:51.6
18:56.6
Linda's goal is to save the beknighted poor people of the world through the power of science.
18:56.7
19:02.2
She goes to India to pursue that aim with no knowledge of or input from the local community,
19:02.3
19:06.9
who nevertheless accept her assistance with disturbing eagerness.
19:06.9
19:08.8
And, as we will see shortly,
19:08.9
19:13.1
she spearheads the movement to stand up against the villains in the climax.
19:13.2
19:18.9
On the other hand, Linda's actions are shown to be a Trojan horse for corporate colonialism,
19:19.0
19:21.2
which is kind of a subversion.
19:21.3
19:25.9
But I think where Basmati Blues really fails as a white savior narrative
19:26.0
19:31.5
is that the would-be savior is clearly the stupidest person in the entire movie.
19:31.6
19:37.1
So, Linda doesn't know anything about traditional Indian greetings or dining ettiquete, fine.
19:37.1
19:41.7
Honestly, that probably puts her on the same level as a lot of visitors to India.
19:41.7
19:45.0
But she's an agricultural engineer!
19:45.0
19:51.4
She has a doctorate in this field. She has ranked her favorite weeds, for Lucifer's sake!
19:51.4
19:57.3
High on the list of the things she should know is how farming works.
19:57.4
20:02.1
And this is neither the time nor the place to discuss the pros and cons of GMOs.
20:02.2
20:06.5
But by this movie's simplistic "old ways good, new ways bad" standards,
20:06.6
20:10.5
Linda's blind spot here is especially baffling.
20:10.6
20:15.8
If your life goal is to improve agricultural practices to make them more productive,
20:15.9
20:20.1
shouldn't you start by knowing what those agricultural practices are?
20:20.2
20:23.8
And if your solution is the slightest bit sustainable?
20:25.0
20:30.6
Anyway [sighs], Rajit is obviously infuriated and does his own research
20:30.7
20:34.8
with the contracts and Mogil's super-condescending promotional video.
20:34.9
20:37.1
But before he can act on this information,
20:37.2
20:41.2
William has him arrested and framed for trashing Linda's lab.
20:41.2
20:43.7
So the rice exchange goes on as scheduled
20:43.7
20:47.5
as the villains gloat and Scott Bacula decides to show up again,
20:47.6
20:51.5
and Linda decides to visit Rajit in prison, just because.
20:51.6
21:00.9
RAJIT: I've been terrible to you, but when I'm with you, I feel... I...
21:01.0
21:03.8
[singing] If I had a hundred arms ...
21:03.9
21:08.8
DIVA: Um, Rajit? I'm not here to tell you how to conduct your romance,
21:08.9
21:14.5
but maybe lead with "I was framed and Mogil has been using you to dupe farmers into eternal debt,"
21:14.6
21:16.2
instead of the love song?
21:16.3
21:20.0
LINDA: ... lying. I don't even know why I came here.
21:20.1
21:25.1
DIVA: I don't know why you did either. What was the purpose of that scene?
21:25.2
21:27.1
But Linda has started having doubts
21:27.2
21:30.3
and even Gurgon's "Of course the farmers know what they're signing up for.
21:30.4
21:33.0
Don't be ridiculous!" fails to placate her.
21:33.1
21:37.2
And by the time she's called up to speak at the big rice exchange to-do,
21:37.2
21:39.8
she's gone completely off the rails.
21:39.9
21:41.6
[gentle music]
21:41.7
21:49.2
LINDA: What a weird guy. He doesn't like the Taj Mahal. [laughs]
21:49.2
21:56.2
DIVA: Finally—finally—Linda tells the farmers that Rice 9 seed needs to be bought every year
21:56.3
22:02.1
and realizes they did not in fact know that and the implications of what she's done finally hit her.
22:02.2
22:05.8
Gurgon's attempts to silence her are only briefly effective,
22:05.9
22:09.0
and she leads the farmers to get their old rice back.
22:09.1
22:11.8
Luckily, the local cops side with them—
22:11.9
22:14.0
one of them even unlocks Rajit's cell—
22:14.1
22:18.5
and the train has been stalled by William, who has had a change of heart because...
22:18.6
22:21.1
something, something, his father. I don't know.
22:21.2
22:25.9
Rajit and Linda were changing their attitudes every scene, so he probably felt left out.
22:26.0
22:31.7
But hey, what's an evil corporation without some hired armored goons to enforce their will?
22:31.7
22:33.5
How will our heroes ever—
22:33.6
22:41.4
[Bollywood music]
22:44.0
22:46.6
DIVA: Gurgon and Evelyn have got the train moving,
22:46.7
22:51.1
but Linda uncouples the rice cars while her dad and William burn the contracts.
22:51.2
22:56.2
Which of course Mogil doesn't have any copies or other records of. Don't be ridiculous!
22:56.3
23:00.6
Rajit, meanwhile, has made the questionable choice of trying to stop the train
23:00.7
23:03.0
by parking his car across the tracks.
23:03.1
23:06.4
Linda tries to tell him his suicidal action is unnecessary,
23:06.5
23:11.1
but he doesn't listen to her because nobody listens to *anybody* in this movie, because ...
23:11.2
23:14.5
MAN: You're stupid mimes! Stupid! Stupid!
23:14.5
23:20.6
[gentle music]
23:20.6
23:23.2
[Rajit yells; crash]
23:23.2
23:26.3
DIVA: The farmers get their rice, Rajit and Linda get each other,
23:26.4
23:30.5
and Mogil probably has the patent on Rice 9 and lots of markets
23:30.6
23:33.4
that don't have idealistic scientists fighting for them,
23:33.5
23:36.4
so they're probably fine taking the L on this one.
23:36.5
23:40.5
And finally, we get a group dance number that is definitely not worth sitting
23:40.5
23:42.6
through the rest of this movie for.
23:42.7
23:51.1
[happy Bollywood music]
23:51.2
23:54.5
[thunder crashes]
23:54.6
23:57.2
DIVA: If it hadn't been set in India,
23:57.2
24:01.2
Basmati Blues would have just been a formulaic romantic comedy,
24:01.2
24:03.4
albeit a badly-written one.
24:03.5
24:08.8
But because it *is* set in India and claims to follow in the spirit of Indian cinema,
24:08.9
24:15.0
it has all the boorish insensitivity of a rude tourist barging around on vacation.
24:15.1
24:21.5
The producers, director, and writers had no real interest in the culture they were presuming to appropriate,
24:21.6
24:30.2
so through a special cross-theological arrangement, this court condemns them to be reincarnated as rice weevils.
24:30.3
24:36.5
So let it be recorded. This session of the infernal court in Musical Hell is now adjourned.
24:36.6
24:36.9
[gavel bangs]
24:37.0
25:06.0
["Danse Macabre" by Camille Saint-Saëns]
