We're currently running into pilot shortages affecting all of our bases and cripling our flying capacity respectivley.

We have crew scheduling sending out premium pay texts at all hours of the night, advertising things like a "wonderful tropical getway to Pasco" or an "unbeatable CDO in Yakima!"

Why are we having pilot staffing issues? Where are all our pilots going?

My leader

They're.....

They're all going to Delta, Sir. Citing higher pay, Seattle Base out of training

and better Biscoff Cookies.

If you haven't hosted a ramp hot dog party, breakfast burrito event, or sent a "Thanks For All You Do" email, then leave.

WE JUST BROUGHT BUTTERED PRETZELS AND BOXED WATER TO THE OPERATION

AND FANCY NEW JETS SO THE SENIOR CAPTAINS DON'T HAVE TO POOP ON THE Q

Only Trent likes pooping on the Q anyway.

WE WERE AIRLINE OF THE YEAR AND JUST BOUGHT A FLIGHT SCHOOL, WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO COME HERE?

150% PREMIUM PAY, ENDLESS CHEESE PLATTERS AND PUW BACON SHOULD BE ENOUGH!!

My leader, the cheese platters dropped the smoked gouda, and...

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SMOKED GOUDA, THE HAVARDI HAS...

My leader, we just want 4.2 on the jet

KEEP MY JETS NAME OUT YOUR EFFING MOUTH

OR I WILL SEND IT TO PASCO....or worse....for a min rest overnight in Idaho Falls....where you'll be forced to dine at the local apple bees, wishing you had a 3 hour sit in SEA

so you could shove another burrito bowl down your throat, and walk amlessley through C terminal

deciding if you're going to cash in on your McDonald's app reward for a buy one McFlurry get the second one free, because that's...

SUCH A GOOD DEAL

Anyways.....WE HAVE AN ATTIRTION TSUNAMI AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

We will write an email to the entire company, that we are going to completely dissovle the Q400 fleet. #HandFlyForHarambe

AND FORCE EVERYONE TO THE JET....while rescinding all the new hire classes for the forseeable future.

THIS will retain and attract new blood.

AND ANYONE WHO COMPLAINS WILL BE JR MANNED TO ANC

AND FORCED TO WEAR THE LULY LANG WINTER PARKA

AND ETERNALLY EXPECTED TO WAIT FOR G2 AGENTS TO BRING THE WHEEL CHAIR YOU HAVE CALLED FOR 13 TIMES SINCE PARKING AT THE GATE ON GO HOME LEG

It's okay...I hear the jet has so much more room for activities

If we don't get more pilots ASAP...I will hault the ability

to drop trips in E-Crew Indefiniltey

*mumbles* It's already like that....

Yeah I can't drop shit

The trick is....more nights...

...in the Coast Gateway

with their unblievabley YUGE supply of soft lotion, 5 star breakfast

and endless supply of skyrocketing crime within the immidate vicinity of the "paradise on earth"

Ready, Safe, GO!