[Morning birdsong.]

[Phone beeps.]

[Someone’s waking up.]

[Someone’s rummaging for an instant coffee bag, making sleepy sounds.]

[Hot faucet water running.]

[Sound of the fridge door opened.]

[Looking for a long-life coffee cream cup.]

[Elena is taking a sip.]

[Inhaling as stretching.]

[Exhaling tiredly as coming up.]

[Elena plays an ad on her phone.]

Did you want to feel accomplished? And did you want to hold your life in check?

Are you brushing your teeth in bed and all that’s left in your fridge seems to be long-life coffee cream cups?

Do you use your hot tap water to make tea in the sink cluttered with days-worth dishes?

And does your morning work-out take about 5 seconds?

Our Self-Brand agency is looking for you!

Under our guidance, you are going to conduce juices back to your both personal and business lives.

What’s more, the first three consultations are on us!

Come now, and put your life back on track where it belongs, with tags it deserves!

Remember I told you I wanted this stuff black?

Yes, I do …

So why on earth am I not seeing any?

Well, there is this black …

[Elena clears her throat audibly.]

Oh, Ms Elena. What brings you by, dear?

Well, I saw this …

We actually know what, dear. Ms Elena, we are doing a photoshoot of you today. Over there.

[The agency photographer and make-up artist greet Elena eagerly.]

What the? I’m not doing any photoshoot with them! Unthinkable!

See, this is my pyjamas I’ve stepped in in! No shower this morning for me, lady!

My brows can honestly make people confuse me with Frida Kahlo! My hands are freaking hairy and I smell real bad!

And my moustache can win the Movember Challenge! Real sorry, lady, I’m out of here.

Excuse me! See for yourselves: I’ve got these Hobbit-like feet and I’m actually wearing my pyjamas!” “I”m not doing any photoshoot! No! No!

[Elena’s protests fade out.]