[JON] We first of all, are gonna put on a quick short

Um, which is a biopic of Oscar

Um, which starts from a young age, and goes quickly and as inoffensively to me

Through to my current stage in life

Um and it’s about 90 seconds long

Play!

[SUSAN] Oh, what a beautiful baby boy

[JOSH] What do you want to do with it, keep it?

[SUSAN] Ooo, I think so

And just like that, he became a teenager!

[CHARLIE] Now, hello son

I’ve got something for you, it’s called a talkie

Watch this film and see how it changes your life

[SHIELDS] Oh movies! That’s a good replacement for actual social life

[NANCY] So like, so like what do we do here?

You just like, invite me to your room and we just watch films and what?

I thought I was gonna get –

[SHIELDS] What? What did you think you were gonna get?

[NANCY] No –

[SHIELDS] It clearly begins with a F, what did you think – [JON] PAUSE!!

Why why why

Like literally not for 60 seconds why can’t we just make the film not offensive or not really gross and sexual?

What like - it’s like an infliction

And also that’s my life and can I say

Like, I had no girls in my bedroom until –

Until like I was in my mid-twenties

And even that’s being generous to me okay?

I lived that life, it was much more tragic than that

Play

[NANCY] Some French fries

[SHIELDS] So you were gonna get French fries

I know I part of promised you French fries but I didn’t have any French fries it was a lie

[NANCY] You made me watch four art house films I’m leaving

[SHIELDS] It was all French lies, oh she’s gone

[HEN] Oscar, look into the television

It is the movie talking to you

[JON] Pause

The movie sounds very much like ASDA, it must be said

Play

[HEN] I also run a chain of supermarkets

I have an idea

Perhaps instead of just watching movies

You should create some

[NANCY] You’re never having seeeeex

[SHIELDS] Aww

[JON] Pause!

Yeah

Pretty accurate to be honest