00:00.0
00:03.8
Good morning Mr. Parker, we have great news for you.
00:04.0
00:06.8
We have clinched a playoff spot in the Gentlemen's League...
00:07.4
00:16.3
And sent a strong message to the commissioner by beating the shit out of his team last week.
00:16.4
00:20.4
Perfect, with CMC back next week we will dominate even more.
00:23.0
00:24.7
Mr. Parker...
00:26.0
00:28.5
McCaffrey...
00:29.2
00:32.5
McCaffrey was placed on IR again.
00:32.6
00:36.2
So he's done for the season.
00:50.0
00:58.8
Anyone who isn't a starter on my roster, see your worthless asses out...
01:09.3
01:14.2
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME AGAIN WITH THIS SHIT???
01:15.0
01:19.0
HAMMIES, ANKLES, WHO GIVES A SHIT?!?
01:21.8
01:25.0
Every year with this overpaid cocksucker...
01:25.1
01:30.3
FIRST ROUND KEEPER MY FUCKING ASS! WAIVER SCHMUCKS ARE LAPPING THIS FUCKWAD!
01:30.4
01:32.5
BUT I FALL FOR THE SAME SHIT AGAIN AND AGAIN
01:32.6
01:35.6
HE'S NOT EVEN WORTH THE IR SPOT, THAT UNGRATEFUL PRICK!
01:35.8
01:38.0
Mr. Parker, Sony Michel is projected to score 0.2 TDs this week...
01:38.1
01:41.8
SONY MICHEL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHAT THE FUCK DOES 0.2 TOUCHDOWNS EVEN MEAN?!?!?
01:41.9
01:43.9
Mr. Parker, JaMycal Hasty is available on waivers, if we act quickly...
01:44.3
01:49.2
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT YOU DUMPY FUCKWAD?? WAIVER CLAIMS ARE BENEATH TEAM TONY FUCKING PARKER!!!!
01:50.2
01:53.9
YEAR AFTER YEAR I CURATE THE PERFECT TEAM
01:54.0
01:58.8
AND YOU GLASS SHITHEADS FALL APART WHEN IT MATTERS SO WE DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN...
01:58.9
02:02.1
YOU THINK I ENJOY HAVING A MACAULAY CULKIN LOOKALIKE AS OUR FUCKING QUARTERBACK?!?!?
02:03.0
02:07.0
YOU THINK I ENJOY FUCKING HOME ALONE FLASHBACKS EVERY WEEK? WELL I FUCKING DON'T!
02:07.1
02:11.9
AND I'M STUCK WITH THAT PRE-PUBESCENT BITCH BOY FOR TEN FUCKING SEASONS NOW!
02:12.0
02:15.7
THIS YEAR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIFFERENT! EMERGING FROM THE FUCKING TOILET BOWL TO BRING THE PAIN!
02:20.8
02:23.7
I'm going to have to litigate so much litter just to break even now...
02:23.8
02:27.8
It's not about the money though...or the cats who piss and shit all over the litter...
02:28.2
02:30.0
It's about pride. Cat's Pride!
02:34.2
02:41.6
You think it's a coincidence I draft Bengals and Panthers? I FUCKING LOVE CATS!!!! THEY ARE FUCKING ADORABLE!!!!
02:41.7
02:45.0
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LOVE ME BACK!? IS IT THAT HARD?!?
02:46.1
02:52.0
I've been told not to mix business with fantasy...but the numbers don't lie! MORE CATS MEANS MORE CUTE!
02:52.1
02:55.0
BUT NOW I'M THE ONE BEING SHIT AND PISSED ON! IT ISN'T FAIR!
02:56.8
02:59.1
It's okay, he's actually a dog owner...
03:06.1
03:08.8
Well, anything can happen in the playoffs...
03:10.1
03:15.0
...This was supposed to be so easy this year though...
03:17.0
03:18.8
CMC was my boy...
03:23.0
03:26.0
I'll just move the flex RB to the dedicated RB slot...
03:31.7
03:36.7
Maybe 0.2 TDs from Michel will be enough...that's like almost 1.5 points, right?
03:36.8
03:40.8
And maybe a few yards on top of that...might even get to 5 points...
03:44.1
03:47.0
It was a good season but it's over.