Yeah.. Its about ten years ago when I lost my son tragically.

And that just sent my life..my whole life upside down.

And ummm.. I just could'nt cope with anything anymore becaus he was living with me

and suddently he went out and then a phone call that, "your son has drowned".

And it was a shock at first. And when I tried to go back to work I could not cope with work.

Ummm..[HESITATION] Everything just went down hill

ummm.. I work in a hospital and ummm.. I did night duty there and there was this little girl, she was beautiful

And when..and when I think about it I feel so sad. you know? she was nine years old.

And she came in into the hospital to have her tonsils out and then after the anesthetices she coughed and flooded her lungs and she died.

I was on my off day and when I came back, we asked where she was and they told us and that upset me so much because I have children you know.

And I cope with depression for six months.

I had what I now refer to as a nervous breakedown, which [HESITATION] took me to my last point ever and I couldn't handle anything, couldnt deal with anything

and I was trying to make up my mind on what to do next

Do I just run away?.. Do I make for BG gates..? do I go and live in a card board box under the Walton bridge?

Well, I suffered umm.. what was a trauma from a breakup of a relationship. .

And this wasnt recognized properly or at all.

And instead of being treated of what i now know of after massive research of my behalf, should have been treated as Post Traumatic Stress.

They treated me for some um made up quazy [HESITATION] diagnosis that they unfortunatley give to many people for more reasons best known to themselves.

Of Bordeline Personality Disorder.[HESITATION] This is grossly untrue.

My first panic attack happened when I was coming out of work one evening about 5:30.

Umm.It would be very difficult to explain to people.

Except for the fact that evething seemed to be suddently strange.

My stomach was turning , my heart was pounding, and I was quite frightened to get on the bus.

I managed to get on the bus and I just could not wait to get indoors and I just slumped on the bed.

Yeah, my husban [HESITATION] he was suffereing from depresions and he had a bit of dementia as well

But because I worked as a carer for a long time, I understand. I went on cosis,so i understant his illness.

But he was nice to me, but at times because of his illnes he used to, you know, lose his temper.

But I didnt mind, you know ? Because I understand him and we were together for such a long time.

So i do understand his illness and all that, you know?

My marriage broke up and sales went bad and i had a big drinking problem

And umm. the reason my marriage broke was because on the drniking

The thee things came together. No job. No home. No wife.

And I had a breakdown and that was my first breakdown.

And I was admited to Bankstead hospital

Which is one of those old Victorian places and I think i was there for six months.

And I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive

And which I beleive is now called Bipolar these days.

In 1980 I heard that I was schizophrenic, diagnosed by a doctor.

And umm she said, "we'll try one tablet, and see what, if that will do."

You know? "And if not we will have to go by injection".

Apperantly the tablets are doning its job.

But if I dont take them, well then my hands shake and I cant hold anything up and my hands go really soft. And, you know what I mean?

By at large most people are supportive and sympathetic.

But there are some people who just wont speak to you anymore because you are a nut case.

But [HESITATION] But there definitley is a stigma and people are afraid of mental health problems.

In the Black-African community in particuler , mental health is seen as maybe a punishment

For a sin or something you committed

So, if you.. or even if a memeber of the family is diagnosed with a mental health issue, then the whole family is condemed.

So it's a big issue in the Black-African community

So, sadly people might have the problem but they dont even want to mention it to anybody because of that stigma.

uhh.[HESITATION] So if there was an educational system whereby people like us...everybody can suffer from mental health.

There are so many various parts, a whole spectrum

of things that fall under mental health and maybe a majority of the population we do suffere from mental health from time to time.

But becaus of this stigma, people are living in ignorance.

And it is sad because if you have a mild mental health issue it can be handled very quickly.

Well, I think recently more people are talking about it, especially in flocks.

And umm.. I think I know more men that have been suffering depression

But when I had mine, all those years ago uhh [HESITATION] it was a taboo subject.

I think it improves you as a person if you've gone through this

because you are more understanding to other people.

And you are more able to talk to other people.

And infact, now I feel no stigma towards talking about it.

I dont mind telling my friends and acquaintances that

I have depression, I'm mentally ill, I have got a touch of OCD that sort of thing.

And then I could explain to them what that means in practical terms.

And its not the same as being neurotic or being suicidal or any of those other things

Its quite[HESITATION] quite different.

There is a track record of stigma to mental health problems ,no question about it.

I think that is beginning to lessen.

ummm.. And I think perhaps its associated with the stigma that often coincidents that

mental health services were always the cinderella even of the National Health Service

You know ? They were.. they got less money than other service like Acute Services for instance

And I think up to a point that has changes as well.

But in the current climate , I think mental health services will become the cinderella again..

Because I dont see any way around it.

I thought that having stopped drinking, my mental health problems would vanish, but they didn't.

when I am depressed I don't do anything.

I stay in bed for most of the day or I get up and watch television.

All day, all morning, all afternoon, all night.

I just go to the local shops for food.

And if i've got a problem, I hide mostly, I switch the phone off so it doesn't ring.

And you can't contact me when in in that condition.

Because, I won't answer because the phones are off. It is pretty awful, really.

Its been really difficult and I am currently, you Know?

Having some help and I think that when you've had very longterm depression,

Umm. it gets very difficult when you get older to learn how to change.

And with the modern way of.. psychological way of dealing with these things, you know?,

you have to do a lot of work yourself.

And I find that really difficult.

Coping with things is.. I think it's probably always going to be a problem for me.

And I need more help than I get.

I live alone, so there is no family or anyone to keep the pressure on everyday.

And that means I can easily slide in into not looking after myself, letting things go, letting the flaque decline.

[HESITATION]Umm forgeting to wash, wearing the same clothes for a month[laughter] that sort of thing.

If im not meeting people, no one told me i should button myslef up, so I dont.

And, that is a draw back.

No, but then they explain to you what it is, you know?..

what dementia means, you know?, that they get very forgetfull, You know?

They dont know whats happening.

Because one time I was coming from work, my husband was outside with a bag, in his pajama.

So I said, " what you doing here?",he said "Oh, I'm going shopping".

And it really hurt me because , you know? He was a very bright person he was well educated.

And for him to do that.. And I said, " No, you are not going shopping, lets go home".

Or sometimes he leaves the gas on and, you know? He dont even know.

And sometimes the front door is open, and I have to go to work and you know?

Eventually understand what was wrong with him and the same thing with depression. You know ?

He talking about he dont want to live, he dont want to go on.

And all that, you know? I am the one that put him through such a lot .

And then the Doctor said, " Well Maybe you should be put on some pills".

Umm.. But I thought," Why do I need pills?"

"I'm not ill, its just that I am trying to cope with what has happened to me".

ummm. So I said, "Look , I need a second opinion".

So I went back and saw the second doctor who surprisingly..

instead of prescribing medicine , started talking about life generaly.

And then we had a great converstion about the human body, the human brain, and the human spirit.

And then after all the conversation he said, " Okay , I am going to take a chance, well go practice some spiritualism for a while

and if it doesnt work , come back and we will put you on some pills".

I said, " Oh thank you , I like that.", and I went away.

And surprise,surprise, I never had to take the pills.

I should be getting some help from a care coordinater on the mental health team by a local authority,

But they are over stretched and understaffed, and they dont have the resource for quiet and harmless people like me. [laughter]

When they have much more urgent cases to look after. So I tend not to get as much care as I think I need.

But I'll just have to live with it.

Even after seven attempts of suicide,there was almost no help after serious, very serious suicide attempts.

The psychologist who I saw once a week for six weeks was extreemly helpfull.

And she pointed out , " when you are depressed you are only think about all the worse things you are."

But she was making me realizes that I did have the odd good points. And over time I realized I wasn't such a bad person ofter all.

I dont really think that depression is something that has taking a hold of the National Health Service.

Just because there are so many people with it.

I feel that the best way of helping one another is to maybe be in groups where you just discuse your problems and whats happening.

And somebdy may suddently say, "Oh well I have that" or "I have this", and that, I feel is more of a help.

The doctor said that he can help me but I have got to do it as well.

So, he told me to go out, look into the shops, don't stay in and I did what he said, I cooperate.

Hello? Hello. Come in. Im fine thank you. Good, come in.

How are you ? Im fine, thank you. Come have a seat. Its cold outside isn't it? Its very, very cold.

Would you like a cup of tea? Not right now.

So many people suffer from mental health and sometimes people dont even think of it as mentally .

They just say, "Oh the person is depressed".

And, but depression is a mental health problem.

And umm, because of that you can always see people going within themselves and not really coming out and talking and saying what is happening in their lives.

An unless you know , you can't really do anything to help.

But then as mental health champions , we try to go in and help in whatever way we can.

I think one of the most important things for any form of unwellness is that as service users patients have to be involved in the design of the serivces.

From early on, in the planning and in the delivery and in the monitoring .

Since[HESITATION] I've entered what I call recovery umm, I am getting out more, meeting more people and talking to more people.

Im begining to take up hobbies.

Being active, I think is very inportant for both physical and mental health. So that is what i am doing about with myself.

We did a little play, I dont know if you saw it, and that was quite good becasue I enjoy drama/acting. I like to do something.

Anyone that has had depression must insist on themselves that they do things, keep active , even if it is only doing the washing up or painting the carbert.

Inactivity is what depression breads on, in my opinion.

I think you have to be prepared to go to your GP and talk openly about it.

Thats the first thing.

And if you possibly can; talk openly to people who are close to you.

You know ? Thats really important for support and to be prepared to take up whatever is offered to you.

Umm. But it is also very important to keep physically active.

To try and be active in the community if you can.

Make a contribution, it help your self-esteem

Eat well, healthily, and just try and keep intouch with people, don't isolate your self and don't let yourself become isolated, i think that is very important

I'm very kean on promoting the positive aspects of mental health , because there are a great number of them.

And you get poeple like steven froid who is on Tv and says, " I am manic depresive".He is not ashamed of it and there is no need to be ashamed of it.

And you know ? There is no need to be ashamed of it. Its like having measles to me.

Anyone can get mentaly ill.

Mental health has made no difference at all. I mean i'm still the same man as I was before any illness.

But I love doing alot of singing in my life. I mean it has given me a boost up. I mean I couldnt sit indoors and watch[UNKNOWN WORD]i've got tv but some programs on there are rubish.

But i'm out most of the day , talking to people and stuff like that.

[SINGING]

[SINGING]

A round of applause is worth a million anti-depressents.[applause]