Prof, you have wide experience in marriage.

Do you have some tips especially for young married couple on

how to balance between taking care of your family and your in law family.

Thank you. Do you have many siblings, Tia?

I have 4 siblings. But I have big extended families.

Asyraf (husband) also have big families?

I also have big families. My husband has 8 siblings.

I feel like we have to understand two things about people.

People want to be understood, they want to feel important and they want to feel loved.

I feel like if we have this formula, wherever we go we will be calm.

First, we must understand the 'language of love'.

For instance, a Chinese man cannot understand an Indian man when they're talking as they use different language.

Now we're talking about the 'love language'.

Tia, how do you know your husband loves you? What did he do that makes you feel loved?

He treats me nicely and he stands by me.

Does he make you feel important or he gives service to you?

He always makes me feel important to him.

So, he gives quality time to you? And he gives attention too?

Yes.

So that is your love language.

When your love language is quality time and attention, you will feel loved when you get them.

Okay, what about Asyraf (husband)? What makes him happy?

Cooking for him? Giving him present? Saying 'I love you' to him or spending quality time with him?

Yes, we would say 'I love you' to each other every time.

And I would support him in whatever he does.

So, he likes when you uttered 'I love you' to him?

Yes, he does.

That means he is someone that likes affirmation. His love language could be through words.

When you understand his love language, you will start doing what he likes and he will be happy.

There are 5 love language. If you pick the right one, it would be enough to make the someone happy.

So when you both get your love language,you will have a happy marriage.

When you have big families, how to give your love to everyone?

You must understand people. For instance, take a look at your mother-in-law. What does she like?

As for me, I noticed my mother-in-law was really happy when I gave her present.

She likes blue color, blue handbag, blue clothes. She loves everything blue.

So when I give her present, she will be happy. That is her love language.

I try to observe people. For instance, your mother-in-law may love to cook.

That means her love language is to give service.

So we can try to give the same thing to her, which is our service by helping with cooking or buying groceries.

Study the love language of people. When you meet them,interact with them in a way that makes them -

- feel understood,loved and make them feel good about themselves.

Do you think people like to receive something or give something?

We usually think that people will be happy if they receive something,

but people are actually happier if they can give something to someone.

For example, if we refuse to receive something from someone, it means that we do not allow that person to be good to us.

That is not nice.

If my patient brought something for me at the clinic like food, I would have it right away. It makes them happy.

It shows that we appreciate their effort.

Even though you have big families,you can win people's heart by having the right intention

and makes them feel important and respected.

Practise to smile, give salaam, be patience (sabr), and be polite.

If you meet someone, smile. Give salaam. Ask about their well-being.

Talk politely and be respectful.

It is very easy.

No matter how many family members you have, if your heart is filled with love,

Everytime we give compliment to someone, we are depositing our emotional bank account.

If you and your family has 'thick' emotional bank account,your relationship would not be affected by small problems.

What destroys relationship among people is when they have 'thin' emotional bank account.

So we must deposit our emotional bank account everyday by mentioning the good about people,

respect people, and do not criticise.