00:00.8
00:03.6
JESSE: Did you guys not record the 100K video on StoryFire?
00:03.8
00:04.9
BRIDGETTE: He doesn't want to do it.
00:05.2
00:06.3
JESSE: What do you mean "He doesn't want to do it"?
00:06.4
00:07.4
BRIDGETTE: He's scared!
00:07.6
00:08.5
JESSE: Yo! Mike!
00:09.4
00:10.3
Hello there, sir.
00:10.7
00:11.1
MICHAEL: Hi?
00:11.3
00:16.1
JESSE: You are, uh, contractually obligated to, uh, do a 'diaper video' on StoryFire.
00:16.4
00:16.8
You know that, right?
00:16.9
00:17.8
MICHAEL: What? Why are you filming this?
00:18.0
00:18.2
JESSE: I'm checking your-
00:18.3
00:18.5
BRIDGETTE: Because I agree.
00:18.6
00:19.0
MICHAEL: I tol- I told you-
00:19.1
00:20.3
JESSE: Mike, I'm checking your account right now.
00:20.4
00:22.7
Last thing you did was eat vomit. That's not what we agreed upon.
00:23.2
00:26.5
You can't all of a sudden just swap gross things out for other gross things.
00:26.8
00:28.2
Diaper, 100K! That was the rules!
00:28.3
00:29.5
MICHAEL: Let me see- Let me see my StoryFire.
00:29.6
00:30.8
JESSE: You wanna s- there's no diaper, bro!
00:30.9
00:31.3
MICHAEL: Now, hold on.
00:31.4
00:32.1
JESSE: There's no- What?
00:32.2
00:32.9
MICHAEL: What is...
00:33.5
00:34.1
this video?
00:34.7
00:36.3
JESSE: That's your standard clickbait!
00:36.4
00:38.1
Standard KidBehindAClip- Clickbait?
00:38.2
00:39.0
KidBehindAClickbait.
00:39.3
00:39.5
MICHAEL: OK...
00:39.6
00:40.5
JESSE: ClickbaitBehindACamera?
00:41.0
00:41.5
That's you, dude.
00:41.6
00:44.1
You didn't wear a diaper. You just stretched a diaper and made it seem like you wore a diaper.
00:44.2
00:45.4
If I don't see you wearing a freaking diap-
00:45.8
00:46.9
Bro! Times Square!
00:47.3
00:47.4
MICHAEL: We're g-
00:47.5
00:47.6
JESSE: We're going. [gasp]
00:47.7
00:48.8
JESSE: You're gonna have to [be] walking around!
00:48.9
00:49.0
MICHAEL: No.
00:49.1
00:49.3
BRIDGETTE: Yes!
00:49.4
00:49.7
JESSE: Yes!
00:49.8
00:50.1
MICHAEL: OK, how about this-
00:50.2
00:51.4
JESSE: Dude, wait! No, no, no!
00:51.6
00:52.7
Before you even squash it...
00:53.0
00:54.3
You know how those superheroes out there?
00:54.4
00:54.6
MICHAEL: Yeah.
00:55.2
00:56.7
JESSE: We just get you a cape. You're Captain Underpants.
00:56.8
00:56.9
BRIDGETTE: Yeah!
00:57.0
00:57.6
MICHAEL: Ok. Ok. I love that.
00:57.7
00:59.2
JESSE: OH, MY GOD! YOU ARE CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!
00:59.4
01:00.0
MICHAEL: OK. I like it.
01:00.1
01:01.1
JESSE: Holy crap!
01:01.4
01:04.4
MICHAEL: And he- he needs his sidekick, Kid Diaper, with him.
01:04.6
01:04.8
JESSE: 'Kid Diaper'?
01:04.9
01:05.1
MICHAEL: I like it.
01:05.2
01:06.5
JESSE: It's 'Super Diaper Baby', technically.
01:06.6
01:07.4
MICHAEL: 'McDiaperNuggets'.
01:07.5
01:07.6
JESSE: But, I'm pretty sure-
01:07.7
01:07.8
MICHAEL: Like...
01:07.9
01:08.1
JESSE: But, I'm pretty sure-
01:09.4
01:10.2
BRIDGETTE: I love this.
01:10.3
01:12.0
JESSE: Look, OK. Maybe.
01:12.1
01:12.5
MICHAEL: U- Uh...
01:12.6
01:15.4
JESSE: But, you have to go full baby, which means you gotta shave your head and eyebrows, OK?
01:15.9
01:16.8
MICHAEL: N- Forget it, OK?
01:17.4
01:18.2
Look, I'm not even doing it ever.
01:18.3
01:18.5
BRIDGETTE: Come on!
01:18.6
01:18.8
JESSE: Bro!
01:18.9
01:19.0
BRIDGETTE: Come on!
01:19.1
01:21.7
JESSE: You- No. You signed the deal. That was part of the StoryFire contract.
01:22.3
01:24.1
Do you- Do I need to pull out the paperwork?
01:24.2
01:27.5
MICHAEL: What StoryFire contract that makes me agree that I'm contractually obligated to wear a diap-
01:27.6
01:32.0
JESSE: You signed- You literally said, "Let's put it in there for 100K.", 'cause you didn't think that was gonna be possible.
01:32.6
01:34.0
MICHAEL: I did do tha- I did do that.
01:34.5
01:35.2
JESSE: OK. So, you gotta deliver-
01:35.3
01:36.5
MICHAEL: You gonna hold me to that?
01:37.2
01:38.1
JESSE: You gotta deliver it, bro.
01:39.1
01:42.7
I still- I got an award for you. How about you do the diaper video, you'll get your award for StoryFire?
01:42.8
01:43.4
You'll get your Flamey.
01:43.6
01:44.4
MICHAEL: This is- F...
01:44.5
01:47.0
JESSE: You'll get your Flamey for dressing up like a big baby. [chuckling]
01:47.2
01:48.9
You'll be a Flamey, dude.
01:50.2
01:52.8
Bro, you better, like, put a sto- a sock down there to, you know.
01:54.1
01:54.7
You don't want that out there.
01:54.8
01:55.1
MICHAEL: Yeah, I can't-
01:55.2
01:57.4
JESSE: You know, make it further... you know, do what you did with Bridgette with the...
01:57.5
01:58.6
you just put some, you know?
01:59.5
02:02.5
MICHAEL: He's right. I'mll have to, like, stuff, like, a sock in there, so my d*ck doesn't fall off.
02:02.6
02:02.7
JESSE: Yeah, like just-
02:02.8
02:03.6
MICHAEL: Like, it's a massive...
02:04.2
02:04.8
JESSE: Massive?
02:05.0
02:05.6
MICHAEL: Yeah, massive.
02:05.8
02:07.6
JESSE: Like a- Like a mastiff? Like, that dog?
02:07.7
02:07.9
MICHAEL: Yeah.
02:08.0
02:08.2
BRIDGETTE: I- It's pretty big.
02:08.3
02:08.6
JESSE: It's a big dog.
02:08.7
02:10.7
MICHAEL: Ma- Mastiffs are the biggest dog, I've got the biggest d*ck.
02:10.8
02:11.0
JESSE: Yea-
02:11.5
02:12.2
MICHAEL: Certainly, in this room.
02:13.3
02:16.8
JESSE: Are you gonna... We'll- Nick, we're going t- I think there's a CVS down there.
02:16.9
02:17.3
MICHAEL: We're- I'm not- Do you think I'm doing that in Times Square?
02:17.4
02:17.6
NICK: Yeah?
02:17.7
02:17.8
MICHAEL: We're- I'm not- Do you think I'm doing that in Times Square?
02:17.9
02:19.7
JESSE: No, we're gonna get you- I'm- We're getting you- Yes!
02:19.9
02:20.9
That is the PERFECT place to do it!
02:21.0
02:24.1
MICHAEL: Jesse! I'll do it if McDiaperNuggets is my sidekick here, doing it with me.
02:24.2
02:27.5
JESSE: Look, be honest. Why did you want me to put in the contract is you wanna enjoy it?
02:27.6
02:28.6
You think you're gonna like it. It's gonna bring a-
02:28.7
02:30.7
MICHAEL: I'm not gonna enjoy it in front of 10 million people.
02:30.9
02:31.5
I'm not even doing it, how about that?
02:31.6
02:31.8
JESSE: Well,
02:31.9
02:32.0
MICHAEL: I'm not even doing it, how about that?
02:32.1
02:35.4
JESSE: ...you know, wouldn't you be putting that onto YouTube, where a lot, uh, like, hundreds of thousands [of] people?
02:35.5
02:36.8
There's literally a few hundred people.
02:36.9
02:37.1
MICHAEL: I'm quitting StoryFire.
02:37.2
02:37.9
JESSE: Wh- Where's the math?
02:38.0
02:38.2
NICK: You gotta test out the-
02:38.3
02:39.2
MICHAEL: I'm never uploading on StoryFire again.
02:39.3
02:39.6
BRIDGETTE: Michael!
02:39.7
02:41.0
JESSE: Oh my- Mike! Seriously?
02:41.7
02:42.2
NICK: He signed a deal?
02:42.5
02:46.1
MICHAEL: Yeah, I never agreed to do it in freaking Times Square. Never agreed to do it in public!
02:46.2
02:48.9
JESSE: OK! You gotta have a diaper in the suitcase or something.
02:49.0
02:49.1
MICHAEL: No, dude.
02:49.2
02:49.3
NICK: Yeah?
02:49.4
02:49.6
MICHAEL: No, dude.
02:50.0
02:50.2
JESSE: Bridgette doesn't have one for the kid?
02:50.3
02:50.5
MICHAEL: Bro!
02:50.6
02:51.1
JESSE: Bridgette doesn't have one for the kid?
02:51.2
02:51.9
MICHAEL: Stop going through our stuff.
02:52.0
02:52.3
NICK: You gotta test out infant products.
02:52.4
02:53.0
JESSE: See how it fits.
02:53.1
02:53.3
NICK: You gotta test out infant products.
02:53.4
02:53.7
JESSE: I'll just see what I can find.
02:53.8
02:54.2
NICK: For the kid.
02:54.3
02:54.5
JESSE: I'll just see what I can find.
02:54.9
02:55.7
JESSE: Yeah, right. You gotta just get-
02:55.8
02:56.2
NICK: For the kid!
02:56.3
02:59.5
JESSE: You gotta figure out what it's like! When you are a dad, you wanna get in the...
02:59.8
03:00.8
diaper of your child.
03:01.6
03:02.2
MICHAEL: I'm not doing it.
03:02.4
03:03.7
BRIDGETTE: Michael, come on! You have to!
03:03.8
03:09.6
JESSE: Look! Dude! Your pregnant not-wife wants you to do this, so, what are you gonna do?
03:09.7
03:10.5
Are you gonna really deny her?
03:10.7
03:11.7
MICHAEL: Yes, I am denying her.
03:12.2
03:13.4
BRIDGETTE: Why can't you just say 'girlfriend'?
03:14.0
03:14.4
JESSE: Well, I don't know what-
03:14.5
03:15.1
BRIDGETTE: 'Pregnant girlfriend'.
03:15.2
03:16.0
JESSE: I don't know what you guys are.
03:16.1
03:18.3
I still think you're paid actors and actresses with each other.
03:18.4
03:20.8
I think you're brother and sister, to be honest, 'cause you guys are in South Carolina.
03:21.4
03:21.5
MICHAEL: Here's the deal.
03:21.6
03:21.7
JESSE: I'm just saying.
03:21.8
03:23.4
BRIDGETTE: That is an Alabama thing.
03:23.5
03:23.6
MICHAEL: Here's the deal.
03:23.7
03:24.6
JESSE: Dude, still, right there.
03:24.7
03:27.8
MICHAEL: Either you do it with me, or I do it in South Carolina.
03:27.9
03:29.7
JESSE: How are you gonna rope me into this?
03:30.0
03:30.3
MICHAEL: Because.
03:30.4
03:32.6
JESSE: If you're doing it in South Carolina, you gotta go to Charleston and do it.
03:32.7
03:32.9
Right down Dixon Street,
03:33.0
03:33.2
MICHAEL: OK.
03:33.3
03:33.9
JESSE: Right down Dixon Street.
03:34.0
03:34.1
MICHAEL: There was never anything in the contract that said that I had to do it in public.
03:34.2
03:34.5
JESSE: ...or whatever the heck that is.
03:34.6
03:37.9
MICHAEL: There was never anything in the contract that said that I had to do it in public.
03:38.0
03:39.0
I'm gonna do it around the house.
03:39.1
03:39.2
JESSE: Oh, that's so lame, Mike!
03:39.3
03:39.5
MICHAEL: Which is a-
03:39.6
03:39.7
JESSE: Oh, that's so lame, Mike!
03:39.8
03:41.6
MICHAEL: It's already humiliating, Jesse!
03:41.7
03:44.1
JESSE: You're putting it on video, which is hundreds of thousands.
03:44.6
03:45.6
BRIDGETTE: Jesse, I agree with this.
03:45.7
03:45.8
JESSE: You just-
03:45.9
03:46.4
BRIDGETTE: You have to do it, too.
03:46.5
03:47.1
JESSE: Yeah! You saw-
03:47.9
03:49.2
BRIDGETTE: You have to do it, too!
03:49.8
03:51.6
BRIDGETTE: He can't do that by himself in Times Square!
03:51.7
03:53.0
JESSE: For Michael? It would be embarrassing for me!
03:53.1
03:55.4
I feel like people, like, [would/will] be turned on by it.
03:55.5
03:56.5
Like, it's erotic.
03:56.7
03:57.3
MICHAEL: I'll tell you what.
03:58.5
03:59.0
JESSE: Yes!
03:59.5
04:01.4
MICHAEL: Guys, you're watching my final StoryFire video, 'cause on...
04:02.7
04:03.5
Look, I'm gonna do it.
04:04.4
04:04.6
JESSE: Mmph!
04:04.8
04:06.0
MICHAEL: But, I'm not doing it today.
04:07.3
04:08.6
JESSE: So, we'll come back to Times Square and do it?
04:08.9
04:10.4
MICHAEL: Nope. We're gonna do it in South Carolina.
