JEREMY CORBYN: COMRADES, DIANE ABBOTT DOESN’T RATE ED BALLS' MEMOIRS: 'SPEAKING OUT'

JOHN MCDONNELL: WHAT'S THE LOONEY SAY?

CORBYN: BALLS SAYS I'M PURSUING A “LEFT-WING UTOPIAN FANTASY” BLINKY SAYS MY APPROACH IS “DEVOID OF CONNECTION WITH THE REALITY OF PEOPLE'S LIVES”

MCDONNELL: UNLIKE HIS?

CORBYN: YEAH. ASK THE VOTERS OF MORLEY & OUTWOOD.

MCDONNELL: WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

TOM WATSON: NOTHING MUCH. SINCE MAY SUCCEEDED CAMERON THE TORIES HAVE CLOSED RANKS

LEN MCCLUSKEY: YES, HIM 'N HIS PAL OSBORNE WERE OUR BEST HOPES FOR THE TORIES SCREWING IT ALL UP

MCDONNELL: THEN THEY LOOKED ALL SET FOR A MONUMENTAL PUNCH-UP WITH BORIS AND GOVE SUDDENLY WIFF-WAFF AND MOTHER THERESA’S THE ONLY ONE LEFT STANDING

CORBYN: DI ALSO SAYS THAT WELSH WHATSISNAME THE PR PRAT IS HAVIN' ANOTHER GO AT ME

TRAITORS EVERYWHERE. NO ONE TRUSTS ANYONE

THE PLP HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE CLOSET TORIES - LIBDEMS AT BEST. EVEN THAT BUSINESS-TWAT BRANSON’S DISSING ME. WHO’D BELIEVE HIM?

SO YOU'RE NOT BACKING OWEN SMITH? YOU'RE STILL LOYAL TO ME?

WATSON: YES

CORBYN: I ASSUME YOU’RE TAKING A LOW PROFILE IN MY RE-ELECTION FOR THE SAKE OF PARTY UNITY?

WATSON: YES. I FEEL THAT’S BEST FOR THE PARTY.

CORBYN: AND IT WOULD BE WRONG TO BE SEEN TAKING SIDES?

WATSON: YES.

CORBYN: AND ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE SUPPORTING ME?

WATSON: YEAH

CORBYN: GOOD. GOOD. THANKS FOR BRINGING ROUND DI’S MESSAGE

COME AND SEE ME AGAIN SOON AND DON’T PUT IT AWAY SO MUCH

YOU LOOK LIKE ERIC PICKLES UNDER-STUDY

ANDY BURNHAM: WITH FRIENDS LIKE WATSON….

CORBYN: SHUSH. HE’S A TWO-FACED TWAT WHO SHOULD HAVE STUCK AT BEING NONCE-FINDER GENERAL

GO HOME. NO NEED TO WASTE ANY BREATH ON BALLS OR OWEN ‘OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS’ SMITH WHO’S HEARD OF SMITH ANYWAY?