00:00.0
00:03.8
Heh, hashtags and threads are funny.
00:03.9
00:04.7
#ZeusIsStillHorny, heh-
00:05.4
00:08.9
Dad, what the fuck?! I spent all my XP money on that tablet!
00:09.0
00:10.2
Hurry up, b o i! We are hunting deer!
00:10.3
00:10.9
B-But, dad-
00:11.0
00:12.6
Hnnrgh!(continued slapping)
00:12.7
00:15.2
(cough x3) Oh, god, okay dad!
00:15.3
00:16.9
You will become a man and shoot the deer with your bow!
00:17.0
00:18.3
B-But, dad I don't want to-
00:18.4
00:19.8
Hnnrgh! (continued slapping)
00:19.9
00:24.0
NNGH, GOD! GOD, IT FUCKIN' HURTS!
00:24.1
00:26.0
Okay, b o i, cut the dear open so he stays dead.
00:26.1
00:27.9
B-but I can't-
00:29.4
00:31.5
GAH, I'M FUCKIN- bleeh
00:31.6
00:33.6
Can I at least mourn for it, dad?
00:33.7
00:35.0
(Kratos rolling off)
00:35.1
00:36.3
Ugh, whatever
00:36.4
00:43.4
#DadIssues! The issue is not my problem, it's that my dad has plenty of issues. Ugh, Happy Father's Day.
00:43.5
00:47.5
Huh. Well how on earth are we gonna get up there? That's gonna take an awful long time-
00:47.6
00:49.7
(Kratos rolling off (again))
00:49.8
00:51.4
I don't know what I expected.
00:51.5
00:52.1
Get on my back, b o i!
00:52.2
00:54.1
Ugh, fine, but take it slowly, okay?
00:54.2
00:56.4
DAD, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!
00:56.5
00:57.3
We've made it, b o i!
00:57.4
00:58.5
Dad, look out!
00:58.6
01:05.4
Brother, look at me. You can't defeat me, I don't feel anything-
01:05.5
01:07.1
(kratos slapping the shit out of baldur)
01:07.2
01:13.0
(cough x3) What the fuck! I told you I couldn't feel anything!
01:13.1
01:15.1
We need to find bitch lady.
01:15.2
01:16.9
What, bitch lady? What are you talking about-
01:17.0
01:18.1
(kratos rolling off once more)
01:18.2
01:20.5
Are you just gonna keep doing this every time?
01:20.6
01:23.1
OH, GOD! I ROLLED OVER A PIG, WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!
01:23.2
01:24.8
Kratos! You could have killed him!
01:24.9
01:25.6
I won't let him die, though.
01:25.7
01:28.8
Grab his wounds and pull them closer. Then I'll perform my magic-
01:28.9
01:30.0
(oh no, poor pig)
01:30.1
01:33.0
Oh *oink*, yes, quite rather *oink*, thank you for reviving me!
01:33.1
01:36.6
*oink* Oh, I feel faint *oink*, ooh *oink*, carry me! *oink*
01:36.7
01:38.3
What? I could bring people back to life as well!
01:38.4
01:41.1
Quickly, grab him so we can retreat to my big giant turtle house!
01:41.2
01:42.3
(is he just gonna do this instead of walking?)
01:42.4
01:46.0
Is anyone gonna explain why are we inside a giant fucking turtle?
01:46.1
01:51.6
*sniff* I welcomed you to my home... *even longer sniff* You (unfunny algorithm word)!
01:51.7
01:53.8
So, are you gonna tell him that you're a god, Kratos?
01:53.9
01:56.7
You two are in danger if they find out you're outsiders!
01:56.8
02:00.0
Oh, don't worry, ma'am! I know he's a god! This is New Game+, remember?
02:00.1
02:01.6
New Game plus?
02:01.7
02:03.5
Anyway, grab me a flower.
02:04.1
02:08.2
Good, now I'm going to mark with some magic so it protects you finding you-
02:08.3
02:09.9
Don't hit ladies, Kratos. It's 2021.
02:10.0
02:12.6
Now, go! Off on your peerless journey!
02:12.7
02:14.5
(how the fuck are they rolling in the water?
02:14.6
02:16.3
Stay calm, b o i!
02:16.4
02:18.7
I am! This is fucking amazing!
02:18.8
02:29.3
*roughly translated* Umm, you better have a bloody good reason why you awoke me. 7 A.M. in the fucking morning! I had a week of sleep! Do you mind explaining you-
02:29.4
02:30.3
(how is his hand so big?)
02:30.4
02:31.8
What the fuck, uh!
02:31.9
02:34.4
(okay i genuinely cannot understand him)
02:34.5
02:35.9
Alright, get inside.
02:36.0
02:43.7
You could have just used me to translate him, you know. You chopped me head off, pretty much skipped all the enemies. You mind what YouTube's gonna make of this?
02:43.8
02:44.2
(oh no not mimir)
02:44.3
02:46.8
Oh, right, who the hell cares, am i right.
02:46.9
02:49.3
We need that second eye of mine so I can get you to the mountain's peak.
02:49.4
02:52.8
Alright, there, mate! We're gonna cut your throat open!
02:52.9
02:55.1
Huh, are you joking me?!
02:55.2
02:56.5
You'll get your time, Terrance.
02:56.6
02:58.3
B O I, give me his eye.
02:58.8
03:01.2
Woah, I can see colours!
03:01.3
03:04.6
Oh, my god! I finally know what you look like!
03:04.7
03:08.3
I... did not expect you to be a pale man by any means- (oh come on)
03:08.4
03:11.2
Oh, right, of course! Binary thinking will kill us all!
03:11.3
03:17.8
[NARRATOR] Will Kratos and Atreus make it to the top of the mountain to spread their beloved ashes and meet with the giants?
03:17.9
03:20.6
Will Mimir ever stop gawking at Kratos' asscheeks?
03:20.7
03:23.9
And will Atreus ever find out that his father is a god?
03:24.0
03:26.2
Find out- In the next second actually!
03:26.3
03:27.9
Oh, fuckin' hell.
03:28.0
03:33.8
BROTHER! I told you you can't defeat me! I don't feel anything!
03:33.9
03:35.5
B O I S! Stop fighting!
03:35.6
03:36.7
Not now, Mothah!
03:36.8
03:39.8
I won't let you hurt my b o i, Kratos! Mark my words-
03:39.9
03:41.6
(the ultimate slap)
03:41.7
03:44.7
NO! MY BOY! *weeping*
03:44.8
03:48.1
Is this your dirty pleasure?!
03:48.2
03:51.3
I'm sure there's plenty you're hiding from your b o i!
03:51.4
03:52.7
Well, go ahead!
03:52.8
03:54.3
He's listening now!
03:54.4
03:57.2
Spill the tea, Kratos!
03:57.3
03:58.8
What's she talking about?
03:58.9
04:04.8
Huh. B o i. I am a god who's killed many.
04:04.9
04:06.1
Okay, that's cool.
04:06.2
04:07.1
It was that fucking easy?!
04:07.2
04:08.7
Let's head to the mountains, b o i.
04:08.8
04:10.1
(oh look even Atreus is joining in)
04:10.2
04:13.2
I'm so sick of these exploits...
04:13.3
04:16.6
Farewell, beloved. You're with the giants now.
04:16.7
04:18.5
It's what she would have wanted, right?
04:19.8
04:20.6
Now let us go home.
04:20.7
04:23.6
Hard to believe we did all this just to spread some ashes.
04:23.7
04:27.3
You think she'd just be fine by being set free around the house, but, ah, well.
04:28.6
04:29.6
What is it, boy?
04:29.7
04:32.5
I think this whole experience was prepared all along.
04:34.6
04:41.3
This is fucked. Boi, what have we found?
04:41.4
04:44.5
(kratos is losing his mind oh no)
04:44.6
04:49.4
oh hey the video is over cool.
