We're finally ready to go to Chan's Gold, but the situation is evolving.

The Mind Flayer is gathering all of our old enemies for a good old-fashioned, Goose-Busters beat down.

He's called forth the Butcher, She-Of-The-Backwards-Hands-and-Elaborate-Introductions.

And they'll rendezvous with our Cronenberged Dwarf/Leonin pals - we're heavily outnumbered.

Okay...let's get ahold of Aronsha. He's a jerk, but that elf is our best chance of surviving this cluserfuck.

Capt. Brassbeak...

Aronsha is...

Aronsha is the real Big Bad, these other guys are just posers. We missed all of the foreshadowing.

If you haven't been in the Amber Temple,

wrassled with Sangzor,

punched a Demon Lord in the nards,

or weaponized magical legumes...get out.

ARONSHA IS THE BIG BAD?!

How did we fall for this heel-turn, bullshit fuckery AGAIN?!

First we turn over the entire town of Valaki to a bunch of demon-worshippers!

Not that it matters, everyone SUCKS in Barovia, but still, BALL DROPPED!

I've never seen less gratitude for saving people from vampires and monsters in MY LIFE

We saved them, and those people treated us like we were the SS!

Sure, there was collateral damage, and yes, SOME kids were eaten as pies

But everyone was giving us shit! Even those fucking gyspy stooges were mad at us!

Woah, buddy, I don't think it's PC to call those stereotypically Roma, transient enemies 'gypsies'...

OF COURSE IT'S NOT PC! It's gothic horror from the eighties, why the fuck would it be PC?

Easy pal, next you're going to tell me it's fine that all the black-skinned Drow are 'evil'

Well Viseran sure was fucking evil! Or did you forget about what he got us to do to Menzoberranzen?

Why do we have to overthink everything?!

Dredge was literally a psychotic death-robot programmed to kill everything in it's path

and we came an inch away from turning over the Maze Engine to that nutjob!

It's like everytime someone gives us the slightest reason to trust them

We blow past every single red flag!

If we were in a room with Sauron, Lolth, Mecha-Hitler and three bullets

The only question would be how they would decide kill us

After we handed them the fucking gun!

How have we allowed this hodge-podge, janky modified version of a tabletop game

To exploit our kindness again and again?!

Maybe instead of sympathizing with the NPCs,

We should just crush them under our boot, like Stalin!

Look, maybe I'm just a cranky business-goose...

But I'd like to think that a party

Of 18th-level characters, played by experienced players

Should maybe have caught some clues this time around.

Aronsha...

I've got PAGES of notes about that pointy-eared,

bald headed Mr.Clean looking,

David-Bowie-in-goddamn-Labyrinth-wannabee

Being SUPER sketchy and weird.

"Don't be a dick, Tycho!"

"Don't be another pint-sized, misanthropic D-Bag who won't work with the NPC's!"

Look at me. Blaming the rest of you when I skimmed right past those warning signs too

I was all high and mighty when I was DM-ing, dropping my OWN hints and foreshadowing

I hope you're taking notes, Brendan, I can't wait to see how you trick us into fucking the dog next time!

It's okay, Brendan,don't cry.

We already think you're a bad person because of the football thing

Session fifty, and things are as fucked as they've ever been.

What hope do a penguin, a cat, and a Mary Sue have against these odds?

We need a miracle.

Any beans in that pocket, Sprocket?

I'll tell you one thing, though

We will still take to our Spelljamming helms

And fly to our doom, gloriously flying into that inky Gloom

And dragging as many of these bastards into the sepulchral blackness of Death with us as we possibly can

After all, we DO have Darkvision, right?