Lord Rocket. The 14th stage has been completed and we have fallen further down the ladder. Benny and The Jets extended his lead. We have few changes left. The next stage will be particularly difficult, the team is losing ground and we are about to move into the mountains. We are vulnerable

It’s ok – we have Kamna in the team, he will lead the attack for us in the hills

Lord Rocket.......

Kamna

Kamna has said he has a cold this morning and is not going to continue in the race. We have no one to attack with

Anyone who believes we can no longer win the tour de France please leave the room now

A cold? It is a heatwave in France and this clown reckons he has a cold? What was he up to last night, out partying with Sagan in an ice bath?

And the other riders, don’t even get me started on Van der Poel. And Gogl…..Gogl falls off his bike and is out of the race….I have riders that can’t even ride a bike

Le Grande Citron tells me you need Meintjes in the team….and what has he done for me? Nothing

Captain you are pronouncing Meintjes name incorrectly its….

My Kiss, Mean Cheese, Mentos, Minties…..I don’t care how you pronounce his name

It was a mistake to listen to Le Grande Citron, he….

he has no idea what he is doing. His spreadsheet jockeys with their points accrual model and performance dispersion indices….they are all rubbish.

Complete rubbish. Easiest $50 Omerta has ever made was taking the bet last year with the ultimate lemon.

Have a look at the riders he told us to get – Powless…..its more like powerless, the bloke has gone into reverse since we added him to the team

And Pidcock, what is going on with Pidcock? He wins one stage and he thinks that is enough? That he will have a ride with Waz and look at the flowers for the rest of the tour?

We will sack most of the team and bring in some fresh riders, someone with a bit of heart. Definitely not Asgreen. Find out who Omerta has and avoid those riders. And grand citron as well

And what is this COVID light crap the French are going on with. You either have it or you don't. You can't be half pregnant. Only the French could be that stupid

I must beat Monsieur Le Truff and Omerta at least. Don’t worry about Citron, he is a pretender

And the other thing that annoys me....every year....every year Madame Lavande and Roleur.....they are always on the podium. Always!!

Just once, just once I want to finish on the podium

It's ok Lets Frans, don't feel bad you are always on the podium

the tour looks as though it is over for another year

no one will catch Benny and the Jets. Next year will be the year the rocket doesn't misfire

I'm not even sure Benny knew who was in his team

Maybe you can study riders too much

I will speak with Omerta on it

Until next year.....