00:05.5
00:08.7
Listen up, let me tell you a story
00:08.8
00:11.9
A story that you think you've heard before
00:12.0
00:16.0
We know you know our names and our fame and our faces
00:16.1
00:19.7
Know all about the glories and the disgraces
00:19.8
00:26.1
I'm done 'cause all this time I've been just one word in a stupid rhyme
00:26.2
00:29.4
So I picked up a pen and a microphone
00:29.5
00:33.1
History's about to get overthrown
00:33.2
00:36.0
Divorced, Beheaded, Died
00:36.7
00:40.0
Divorced, Beheaded, Survived
00:40.3
00:43.0
But just for you tonight
00:43.1
00:47.3
We're divorced, beheaded, live!
00:47.4
00:50.7
Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix
00:50.8
00:54.2
Switching up the flow, as we add the prefix
00:54.3
00:59.9
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
01:00.0
01:04.8
Raising up the roof, 'til we hit the ceiling
01:04.9
01:08.3
Get ready for the truth that we'll be revealing
01:08.4
01:16.5
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
01:16.6
01:18.6
But now we're ex-wives
01:18.7
01:21.0
New York, make some noise!
01:33.2
01:36.4
All you ever hear and read about
01:36.5
01:40.0
Is our ex and the way it ended
01:40.1
01:43.2
But a pair doesn't beat a royal flush
01:43.3
01:47.3
You're gonna find out how He got unfriended
01:47.4
01:50.7
Tonight we're gonna do ourselves justice
01:50.8
01:53.9
'Cause we're taking you to court
01:54.0
01:57.1
Every Tudor rose has its thorns
01:57.2
02:00.7
And you're gonna hear 'em live in consort
02:00.8
02:03.6
Divorced, Beheaded, Died
02:04.1
02:07.1
Divorced, Beheaded, Survived
02:07.6
02:10.1
But just for you tonight
02:10.8
02:15.0
We're divorced, beheaded, live!
02:15.1
02:18.2
Welcome to the show, to the histo-remix
02:18.4
02:21.8
Switching up the flow, as we add the prefix
02:21.9
02:27.5
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
02:28.9
02:31.7
Dancing through the night 'til the break of day
02:31.8
02:33.8
Once we're done, we'll start again
02:33.9
02:36.2
Like it's the Renaissance
02:36.3
02:44.0
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
02:44.1
02:46.3
But now we're ex-wives
02:49.8
02:52.2
Remember us, from PBS?
02:53.2
02:56.5
[Divorced] My name's Catherine Of Aragon
02:56.6
03:00.6
Was married 24 years, I'm a paragon
03:00.7
03:04.1
Of royalty, my loyalty is to the Vatican
03:04.2
03:06.2
So if you try to dump me
03:06.3
03:07.9
You won't try that again
03:08.0
03:10.4
[BEHEADED] I'm that Boleyn Girl
03:10.5
03:11.6
And I'm up next
03:11.7
03:13.8
See, I broke England from the Church
03:13.9
03:15.8
Yeah, I'm that sexy
03:15.9
03:18.1
Why did I lose my head?
03:18.2
03:19.9
Well, my sleeves may be green
03:20.0
03:21.7
But my lipstick's red!
03:21.8
03:26.3
[DIED] Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved
03:27.3
03:30.7
When my son was newly born, I died
03:30.8
03:33.3
But I'm not what I seem or am I?
03:33.4
03:36.1
Stick around, and you'll suddenly see more
03:36.2
03:39.6
[DIVORCED] Ich bin Anna of Cleves [JA]
03:39.7
03:43.1
When he saw my portrait he was like [JA!]
03:43.2
03:46.6
But I didn't look as good as I did in my pic
03:46.7
03:50.5
Funny how we all discuss that, but never Henry's little-
03:50.6
03:54.1
Prick up your ears, I'm the Katherine who lost her head [BEHEADED]
03:54.2
03:57.5
For my promiscuity outside of wed
03:57.6
04:00.8
Lock up your husbands, lock up your sons
04:00.9
04:04.6
K Howard is here, and the fun's begun
04:04.7
04:08.0
[SURVIVED] Five down, I'm the final wife
04:08.1
04:11.6
I saw him to the end of his life
04:11.7
04:15.0
I'm the survivor, Catherine Parr
04:15.1
04:18.4
I bet you wanna know how I got this far
04:18.5
04:22.1
I said, I bet you wanna know how I got this far
04:22.6
04:25.7
Do you wanna know how we got this far?
04:25.8
04:29.5
Then welcome to the show, to the histo-remix
04:29.6
04:33.1
Switching up the flow as we add the prefix
04:33.2
04:38.5
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
04:38.6
04:39.8
Come on, come on, come on!
04:39.9
04:43.2
Turn the beat up, get this party buzzing
04:43.3
04:47.1
You want a queen bee, well there's half a dozen
04:47.2
05:02.2
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
05:02.3
05:04.4
But now we're ex-wives
05:18.4
05:20.8
One, two, three, four, five
05:33.7
05:36.6
New York City, how you doing tonight?
05:38.9
05:43.0
We said, how are you doing tonight?
05:46.1
05:48.0
We are SIX!
05:48.1
05:51.8
And welcome to our Divorced, Beheaded, Live tour!
05:53.3
05:56.7
New York we’ve got a whole lot in store for you tonight
05:56.8
06:00.0
That's right girl, we’ve got the riffs to ruffle your ruffs!
06:01.4
06:03.0
Shimmys to shake up your Chemise
06:04.3
06:06.5
And a whole lot of history
06:06.6
06:09.1
Or as we like to call it... her-story
06:11.6
06:14.0
So obviously, you know who we are
06:14.1
06:15.0
Please, no portraits
06:15.1
06:19.1
But give it up for our ladies in waiting!
06:21.1
06:23.3
We got Maggie on the guitar!
06:25.1
06:26.7
Bessie on the bass
06:28.7
06:30.6
And killing it on the keys, we’ve got Joan!
06:34.1
06:38.9
And with beat so sick they’ll give you gout, It’s Maria on the drums!
06:41.1
06:44.2
So you came here today to party with us old-school
06:45.3
06:48.3
Really, really old-school.
06:51.5
06:53.2
But we’re not here to have fun
06:53.3
06:56.0
Uh-uh, we have a serious score to settle
06:56.1
07:00.9
Cause you see New York, the problem is, there's SIX of us
07:01.3
07:03.0
And we know you’ve all got your favourite
07:03.1
07:06.4
Yes, everyone always wants to know who’s the most important wife
07:06.5
07:08.9
And they’ve been arguing about it for centuries
07:09.0
07:09.7
We’ve heard it all...
07:09.8
07:11.6
“Who lasted the longest was the strongest.”
07:11.7
07:13.6
“The biggest sinner is obvs the winner.”
07:13.7
07:15.4
“Who had the son takes number one.”
07:15.5
07:17.6
“Who was most chased shall be first placed.”
07:17.7
07:19.6
“The most inglourious is victorious.”
07:19.7
07:22.5
“The winning contestant was the most protest-ant.”
07:24.8
07:25.9
...Protestant!
07:26.9
07:29.8
But today we're gonna answer your questions once and for all!
07:29.9
07:34.7
And tell ya whatcha want, whatcha really really want...
07:36.3
07:39.3
That’s right, we’re here to help you figure out which one of us is—
07:39.4
07:41.1
The queen of the castle.
07:41.2
07:42.7
The rose amongst the thorns.
07:42.9
07:47.9
The Thomas Cromwell amongst the royal ministers between 1532 and 1540.
07:49.8
07:52.6
But how the purgatory are they going to choose their leading lady?
07:52.7
07:54.4
Well hold up!
07:55.0
07:58.1
If this is gonna be a fair competition
07:58.2
08:03.0
They’re gonna have to judge us by the one thing we have in common.
08:03.1
08:07.3
The queen to take the crown should be the one who had the biggest,
08:07.4
08:09.0
The firmest,
08:09.1
08:11.0
The fullest
08:11.8
08:15.9
Load of B.S. to deal with from the man who put a ring on it.
08:17.5
08:20.6
So, New York, we’re gonna hold a little contest for you.
08:20.7
08:22.8
And the rules are simple:
08:22.9
08:24.7
The queen who was dealt the worst hand,
08:24.8
08:26.8
The queen with the most hardships to withstand,
08:26.9
08:29.8
The queen to whom it didn’t really go as planned,
08:29.9
08:32.6
shall be the one to lead the band!
08:33.2
08:34.5
So, what do you think New York,
08:34.6
08:38.8
are you ready to choose your leading lady?
08:40.5
08:42.7
Oh, come on
08:42.8
08:46.3
We said, are you ready?!
08:48.6
08:50.1
Welcome to the show
08:50.2
08:52.2
to the coronation
08:52.3
08:53.5
Who will take the crown,
08:53.6
08:55.8
Be the pop sensation?
08:55.9
09:00.1
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
09:00.6
09:03.1
Six wives, Six wives, Six wives
09:03.2
09:05.8
But there’s only one you need to hear from today
09:05.9
09:10.2
New York, I’m about to win this competition.
09:11.5
09:13.2
-give me a beat.
09:16.8
09:19.5
So, since the day I arrived in England,
09:19.6
09:23.4
Let’s just say my faith had been tested on more than one occasion.
09:23.5
09:24.6
First things first,
09:24.7
09:31.6
I was shipped off from Spain on the night of my sweet sixteen to marry some prince called Arthur and I’m like “okay”.
09:31.7
09:34.7
But then Arthur died, so naturally I’m imprisoned for seven years.
09:34.8
09:36.9
Really helped with the grieving process, you know,
09:37.8
09:40.0
but still I'm like, “okay.”
09:40.1
09:45.6
But thank God they rescued me just in time to marry Prince Henry..
09:45.7
09:50.5
my dead husband’s brother. Okay, so I’m thinking “bit weird”,
09:50.6
09:55.4
but if you’d seen him back in the summer of ‘09. Let me tell you he was
09:56.8
10:00.7
So seven years later, we’re still trying for an heir.
10:00.8
10:04.8
He’s trying really hard and I’m like “okay”,
10:04.9
10:11.0
and he starts coming come late. “I was just out with my ministers!” But there’s lipstick on his ruff.
10:11.1
10:13.2
And I’m like “okay”.
10:13.3
10:19.3
Suddenly, he wants to annul our marriage, move some side chick into my palace and move me into a convent!
10:19.8
10:22.6
Now, (come here)
10:23.5
10:26.9
I don’t think I’d look that good in a wimple,
10:27.6
10:28.7
so I’m like
10:33.5
10:35.0
You must agree that, baby,
10:35.1
10:37.3
In all the time I’ve been by your side,
10:37.4
10:38.8
I’ve never lost control
10:38.9
10:41.5
No matter how many times I knew you lied.
10:41.6
10:45.1
Have my golden rule: got to keep my cool.
10:47.7
10:49.4
[You know she’s gotta keep her cool.]
10:49.5
10:53.1
And even though you’ve had your fun running around with some pretty, young thing
10:53.2
10:57.3
And even though you’ve had one son with someone who don’t own a wedding ring.
10:57.4
11:03.5
No matter what I heard, I didn’t say a word. No, baby
11:03.6
11:05.9
[You know she never said a word.]
11:06.0
11:12.0
I’ve put up with your shh, like every single day
11:13.4
11:21.1
But now it’s time to shh, and listen when I say...
11:21.8
11:23.8
You must think that I’m crazy,
11:23.9
11:27.3
You wanna replace me, baby there’s
11:27.4
11:29.7
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
11:29.8
11:31.6
If you think for a moment,
11:31.7
11:35.1
I’d grant you annulment, just hold up there’s
11:35.2
11:38.4
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
11:42.7
11:46.4
There’s n-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
11:50.6
11:53.7
There’s n-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
11:53.8
11:55.2
There's no way
11:55.3
11:59.0
So you read a bible verse that I’m cursed ‘cause I was your brother’s wife,
11:59.1
12:03.3
You say it’s a pity ‘cause quoting leviticus I’ll end up kiddy-less all my life.
12:03.4
12:05.2
Well, daddy, won’t you there
12:05.3
12:07.6
When I gave birth to Mary?
12:08.2
12:09.2
don’t remember?
12:09.3
12:11.5
[Daughters are so easy to forget]
12:11.6
12:18.5
You’re just so full of Sh... Must think that I’m naive
12:18.6
12:19.5
Woah, woah.
12:19.6
12:27.0
I won’t back down, won’t Shh, and no, I’ll never leave
12:27.1
12:33.1
You must think that I’m crazy, you wanna replace me, baby there’s-
12:33.2
12:35.6
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
12:35.7
12:41.0
If you thought it’d be funny to send me to a nunnery, honey, there’s-
12:45.0
12:46.7
[No way.] No way right?
12:46.8
12:48.5
[No way] That's why
12:48.6
12:53.9
There’s n-n-n-n-n-n-no way. No way [No way]
12:54.0
12:56.9
No no way [No way]
12:57.0
12:59.7
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way
12:59.8
13:01.0
There's no way
13:01.1
13:03.1
Take it down girls! Hey!
13:09.0
13:12.0
Give it up for Maria on the drums y'all!
13:17.5
13:21.8
You’ve got me down on my knees, Please tell me what you think I’ve done wrong
13:22.0
13:26.5
Been humble, been loyal, I’ve tried to swallow my pride all along
13:26.6
13:32.1
If you could just explain a single thing I’ve done to ‘cause you pain,
13:43.0
13:44.9
You’ve got nothing to say?
13:45.0
13:47.1
I’m not going away,
13:47.2
13:51.0
There’s no way.
13:51.1
13:56.5
You must think that I’m crazy, you wanna replace me, baby there’s
13:56.6
13:59.2
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
13:59.3
14:04.9
You made me your wife, so I’ll be queen till the end of my life!
14:05.0
14:12.6
[N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.] There's no way baby [No way] There's no way baby, I said
14:12.7
14:14.6
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no—
14:20.1
14:24.9
There's n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
14:25.0
14:27.9
There's no way!
15:01.2
15:04.7
So clearly, I had the most to deal with from the king.
15:05.3
15:11.7
And I hit that high C so like, donde está my crown? por favor?
15:12.0
15:15.3
Wait, hang on a sec. Who was that other one?
15:15.8
15:17.2
I think you’re thinking of me!
15:17.3
15:20.4
No, there was definitely a really important one.
15:21.1
15:23.0
I think she, like, overlapped with you.
15:23.1
15:27.6
Oh, yeah yeah you know that really famous and controversial one who people actually care about.
15:27.7
15:31.1
Yeah. You know...The one you’ve been waiting for.
15:31.2
15:33.6
The one you’ve been waiting for.
15:33.7
15:34.8
The mystery,
15:34.9
15:36.4
The one who changed history.
15:36.5
15:38.6
[History] The one who changed history, mystery,
15:38.7
15:40.6
The temptress.
15:40.7
15:42.8
The one with the plan,
15:44.0
15:45.9
The plan to steal the man!
15:48.7
15:50.6
The one who chased the king,
15:50.7
15:53.3
But paid the price with a swordsman’s swing.
15:53.4
15:56.0
Will she be the one to win?
15:57.0
16:04.5
Anne Boleyn
16:04.6
16:06.8
Anne Boleyn!
16:22.6
16:24.5
Grew up in the French court
16:24.6
16:25.9
Oui oui, bonjour.
16:26.0
16:27.3
Life was a chore so
16:27.4
16:28.5
[She set sail.]
16:30.0
16:31.8
Came straight to the UK
16:31.9
16:33.2
All the British dudes, lame.
16:33.3
16:34.8
[Epic fail.]
16:35.7
16:37.5
I wanna dance and sing.
16:37.6
16:40.5
[Politics?] Not my thing.
16:41.8
16:46.5
But then I met the king. And soon my daddy said, “You should try and get ahead.”
16:49.2
16:50.2
He wanted me,
16:51.6
16:54.8
Kept messaging me, like, everyday.
16:54.9
17:00.7
Couldn’t be better, then he sent me a letter, and who am I kidding? I was prêt à manger.
17:02.0
17:03.7
Sent a reply.
17:04.9
17:06.4
Just saying 'Hi',
17:07.8
17:09.1
You're a nice guy.
17:09.2
17:10.6
I'll think about it, maybe,
17:12.4
17:13.7
[Uh oh!] Here we go.
17:13.8
17:18.0
[You sent him kisses!] I didn't know I would move in with his missus!
17:18.1
17:19.2
[What?] Get a life!
17:19.3
17:23.0
[You're living with his wife?] Like, what was I meant to do?
17:23.6
17:26.4
Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
17:26.5
17:28.9
I’m just trying to have some fun.
17:29.1
17:30.7
Don’t worry, don’t worry,
17:30.8
17:32.1
Don’t lose your head.
17:32.2
17:35.3
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
17:37.4
17:38.6
Say ‘oh well’,
17:38.7
17:40.6
Or go to hell.
17:40.7
17:44.3
I’m sorry, not sorry, ‘bout what I said,
17:44.4
17:46.2
Don’t lose your head.
17:48.5
17:50.8
Three in the bed, and the little one said
17:50.9
17:52.3
"If you wanna be wed,
17:52.4
17:53.8
Make up your mind."
17:53.9
17:55.6
Her or me, chum.
17:55.7
17:58.4
Don’t wanna be some girl in a threesome.
17:58.5
18:01.3
Are you blind?! [Ooh]
18:01.4
18:04.0
Don't be bitter, [Ooh]
18:04.3
18:06.9
'Cause I'm fitter [Ooh]
18:07.0
18:08.4
Why hasn’t it hit her?
18:08.5
18:10.0
He doesn’t wanna bang you,
18:10.1
18:11.6
Somebody hang you.
18:11.7
18:12.9
[Uh oh!] Here we go.
18:13.0
18:17.4
[Your comment went viral.] I didn't really mean it, but rumours spiral.
18:17.5
18:19.8
[Wow, Anne, way to make the country hate you.]
18:19.9
18:22.0
Wait, what was I meant to do?
18:22.8
18:25.6
Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
18:25.9
18:28.4
I’m just trying to have some fun.
18:28.5
18:30.0
Don’t worry, don’t worry,
18:30.1
18:31.6
Don’t lose your head
18:31.7
18:33.9
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
18:36.6
18:37.9
Say ‘oh well’,
18:38.0
18:39.7
Or go to hell.
18:40.2
18:43.3
I'm sorry, not sorry, ‘bout what I said,
18:43.4
18:45.3
Don’t lose your head.
18:47.8
18:52.0
Tried to elope, but the pope said nope. Our only hope was
18:53.3
18:57.7
He got a promotion, ‘caused a commotion, set in motion
18:57.8
19:02.1
The C of E. [The rules] We're so outdated.
19:02.2
19:05.1
Us two, wanted to get x-rated.
19:05.2
19:07.8
[Soon, excommunicated!]
19:07.9
19:10.9
Everybody chill, it's totes God's will.
19:19.8
19:22.4
Hold up, let me tell you how it went down.
19:22.5
19:26.6
Henry’s out every night on the town, just sleeping around, like,
19:26.7
19:27.8
[What the hell?]
19:27.9
19:32.0
If that's how it's gonna be, maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three
19:32.1
19:33.8
Just to make him jel
19:33.9
19:39.4
Henry finds out and he goes mental. He screams and shouts like, [so judgemental]
19:39.5
19:40.7
“You damned witch!”
19:40.8
19:45.6
Bro! Just shut up, I wouldn't be such a b-[GASPS] if you could get it up
19:45.7
19:46.8
[Uh oh!] Here we go.
19:46.9
19:51.2
[Is that what you said?] And now, he's going 'round like, "Off with her head!"
19:51.3
19:53.4
[No..] Yeah, I'm pretty sure he means it
19:53.5
19:55.6
[Seems it.] What was I meant to do?
19:55.7
19:58.7
[What was she meant to do?] Like, what was I meant to do?
19:58.8
20:01.6
[What was she meant to do?] No, but what was I meant to do?
20:01.7
20:03.1
[What was she meant to do?!]
20:03.2
20:05.0
No, oh my God, you guys, seriously,
20:05.1
20:08.1
he actually wants to chop my head off!
20:12.6
20:14.8
I guess he just really liked my head..
20:19.3
20:20.5
5, 6, 7, 8!
20:20.6
20:23.3
Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
20:23.4
20:25.8
I'm just trying to have some fun.
20:25.9
20:29.0
Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head!
20:29.1
20:32.2
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
20:34.0
20:35.3
Say 'oh well',
20:37.8
20:40.4
Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said.
20:40.5
20:43.2
[Sorry, not sorry 'bout what she said.] I'm not sorry!
20:43.3
20:48.1
Sorry, not sorry, 'bout what I said!
20:48.2
20:50.1
Don't lose your head!
21:09.5
21:13.0
Yeah! What a weekend.
21:14.0
21:15.2
I'm like dead
21:15.7
21:18.4
Wait, did you actually die?
21:19.0
21:20.6
Yeah, it was so extra.
21:20.7
21:26.6
Anyway, yeah! Now I'm obvs the winner, I think I'll do another solo.
21:26.7
21:33.7
So my next song is one I wrote about the moment when I found out Catherine of Aragon had tragically died.
21:35.1
21:38.5
It's called "Wearing Yellow to a Funeral". Hit the lights!
21:40.4
21:43.7
Catherine was a massive-
21:43.8
21:48.4
[UPROAR] Whoa, who decided you were the winner?
21:48.5
21:49.3
She wants another turn?
21:49.4
21:51.0
Over my dead body!
21:52.9
21:57.3
Yeah, anyways, I'm pretty sure it's my turn next.
22:02.2
22:04.0
You? Queen, please!
22:05.8
22:07.2
Are you for real?
22:07.3
22:09.6
Yeah, weren't you the one he truly loved?
22:09.7
22:12.8
Yeah, didn't you finally give him the son he so desperately wanted?
22:12.9
22:15.8
Yeah, like I had a daughter and he literally chopped my head off.
22:15.9
22:20.8
You're right, I was lucky, okay
22:20.9
22:22.7
I was really lucky,
22:23.3
22:24.9
I was in love,
22:25.0
22:27.8
I just had a beautiful baby
22:27.9
22:32.9
Henry was happy cause thank God, it was an Edward, and not an Edwina
22:34.8
22:37.2
I was so excited
22:37.3
22:41.1
For his first steps.. his first words..
22:41.4
22:45.7
For not getting a good night sleep for three years..
22:46.4
22:50.6
But, I never get to see any of that.
22:51.2
22:55.8
You know? People say Henry was stone hearted-
22:55.9
22:58.6
-uncaring, and
22:58.7
23:00.6
I'm not sure that he was
23:00.7
23:08.1
Yeah, actually come to think of it, there was this one really cute time where I had a daughter and he chopped my head off
23:09.0
23:14.0
Okay look, I know, that his times with the Queens before me were hard
23:14.1
23:19.0
But, they were also full of fire
23:19.1
23:26.2
He raged and stormed at them, and because they are both absolute badass monarchs
23:26.3
23:29.9
They raged and stormed right back
23:30.2
23:31.6
But I didn't do that
23:31.9
23:34.0
Instead, I stood by him
23:34.7
23:36.3
Like I was made of stone
23:36.4
23:41.2
I stood firm, no matter his flaws or his tempers
23:42.5
23:46.6
No matter my doubts or fears, I stayed there by his side
23:48.3
23:51.2
And that's not because I was scared
23:51.4
23:53.4
or naive, or weak
23:53.5
23:54.9
It's because
23:57.7
24:00.5
I loved him
24:13.8
24:16.3
So, Henry...
24:17.4
24:21.5
You’ve got a good heart, but I know it changes
24:22.3
24:28.1
A restless tide, untameable.
24:34.4
24:38.6
You came my way, and I knew a storm could come too.
24:39.3
24:44.6
You’d lift me high or let me fall.
24:50.8
24:58.4
But I took your hand, and promise I’d withstand any blaze you blew my way.
24:58.9
25:03.8
‘Cause something inside, it solidified.
25:03.9
25:09.2
And I knew I’d always stay.
25:12.9
25:14.7
You can build me up,
25:14.8
25:17.0
You can tear me down,
25:17.1
25:21.0
You can try but I’m unbreakable.
25:21.1
25:25.4
You can do your best, but I’ll stand the test,
25:25.5
25:29.1
You’ll find that I’m unshakable.
25:29.2
25:31.7
When the fire’s burnt,
25:31.8
25:33.7
When the wind has blown,
25:33.8
25:35.9
When the water’s dried,
25:36.0
25:40.8
You’ll still find stone.
25:44.2
25:47.5
My heart of stone.
25:50.2
25:54.5
You say we’re perfect. A perfect family.
25:54.9
26:01.1
You hold us close for the world to see.
26:06.9
26:11.5
And when I say you’re the only one I’ve ever loved,
26:11.6
26:21.4
I mean those words truthfully.
26:22.9
26:30.7
But I know, without my son your love could disappear.
26:30.8
26:35.6
And no, it isn’t fair, but I don’t care.
26:35.7
26:40.6
‘Cause my love will still be here.
26:44.8
26:46.7
You can build me up,
26:46.8
26:48.9
You can tear me down,
26:49.0
26:52.7
You can try but I’m unbreakable.
26:52.8
26:57.4
You can do your best, but I’ll stand the test,
26:57.5
27:01.3
You’ll find that I’m unshakable.
27:01.4
27:03.3
When the fire’s burnt,
27:03.4
27:05.6
When the wind has blown,
27:05.7
27:07.6
When the water’s dried,
27:07.7
27:12.5
You’ll still find stone.
27:15.8
27:19.0
My heart of stone.
27:21.7
27:24.9
Soon I’ll have to go.
27:25.4
27:29.5
I’ll never see him grow.
27:29.9
27:33.9
But I hope my son will know,
27:34.0
27:37.4
He’ll never be alone.
27:37.5
27:41.9
‘Cause like a river runs dry
27:42.0
27:46.8
And leaves it’s scars behind.
27:46.9
27:50.1
I’ll be by your side,
27:50.2
27:57.8
‘Cause my love
27:57.9
28:02.7
is set in stone....
28:06.4
28:12.1
Yeah! [You can build me up, you can tear me down]
28:12.2
28:18.4
[You can try but I’m unbreakable. You can do your best]
28:18.5
28:24.4
[But I’ll stand the test, you’ll find that I’m unshakable.]
28:24.5
28:30.9
The fires burnt, the wind has blown, the water’s dried,
28:31.0
28:39.4
You’ll still find stone, ooh yeah...
28:39.5
28:45.1
My heart of stone...
28:45.2
28:53.5
Can’t break me, can’t break me, stone...
28:53.6
29:06.8
Can’t break me, can’t break me, you'll still find stone...
29:12.0
29:15.4
My heart of stone.
29:40.9
29:43.4
What hurts more than a broken heart?
29:43.6
29:45.7
A severed head
29:47.0
29:52.2
Now, seeing as Henry was running out of women to marry in England,
29:53.1
29:57.1
he had to look a little further afield.
29:57.2
30:00.6
He had to adjust his location settings, if you will.
30:01.1
30:05.5
To find his next queen, we’re heading-
30:06.3
30:08.7
to Germany.
30:13.2
30:15.2
Where he enlisted the help
30:15.6
30:18.9
of the legendary painter,
30:32.2
30:34.0
Welcome to the house...
30:34.1
30:36.2
To the Haus of Holbein, ja!
30:40.9
30:43.9
Das ist gut, ooh ja!
30:47.6
30:49.4
The Haus of Holbein.
30:49.9
30:53.2
Hans Holbein goes around the world
30:53.3
30:56.2
Painting all of the beautiful girls.
30:56.3
30:56.9
From Spain,
30:58.1
30:59.5
And Germany.
30:59.6
31:02.7
The king chooses one, but which one will it be?
31:02.8
31:06.2
You bring the corsets. We’ll bring the cinches.
31:06.3
31:09.4
No one wants a waist over nine inches.
31:09.5
31:12.6
So what, The makeup contains lead poison?
31:12.7
31:16.1
At least your complexion will bring all the boys in.
31:16.2
31:22.5
Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine, we’ll turn this vier into a nine.
31:22.6
31:26.6
So just say “ja” and don’t say “nein”
31:26.7
31:31.5
Cause now you’re in the house, in the Haus of Holbein, ja!
31:35.5
31:38.1
Das ist gut, ooh ja!
31:41.8
31:43.5
The Haus of Holbein.
31:44.6
31:50.7
We must make sure the princesses look great, when their time comes for their Holbein portrait!
31:50.8
31:53.5
We know what all the best inventions are
31:53.6
31:57.2
To hold everything out. Ja, it’s wunderbar!
31:57.3
32:03.7
For blonder hair, then you just add a magical ingredient from your bladder.
32:03.8
32:10.3
Try these heels, so high it’s naughty. But we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty.
32:10.4
32:20.9
Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine, we’ll turn this vier into a nine. So just say “ja” and don’t say “nein”...
32:21.0
32:25.8
‘Cause now you’re in the house... In the Haus of Holbein!
32:27.4
32:31.7
Ooh ja! Das ist gut, ooh ja!
32:36.3
32:37.6
The Haus of Holbein.
32:38.1
32:41.5
The time has come for you to select your bride, your highness!
32:41.6
32:45.6
May we present Christina of Denmark?
32:45.7
32:53.6
Looking for mates, dates, and a British monarch whom to secure the line of succession, winky-face.
32:56.7
33:03.2
Nein? Then, never mind, she has already made a match with the Duke of Milan anyhow.
33:03.3
33:04.4
Okay, next!
33:05.4
33:11.7
Your highness, may we present Amalia of Cleves?
33:11.8
33:19.0
Just a German girl trying to live the English dream. Hashtag no Catholics, hashtag big dowry.
33:21.4
33:24.3
Nein? Okay! Who’s next?
33:29.3
33:31.6
Anna! Fantastic! Wunderbar!
33:31.7
33:39.7
Your highness, your highness, your highness! We are honoured to present to you Anna of Cleves!
33:39.8
33:43.1
The most beautiful woman in all of the Holy Roman Empire!
33:43.2
33:48.0
And let me assure you, Herr Holbein has certainly done her justice.
33:49.6
33:57.5
Ah, there are good! And I think we can say that some certainty, you will be happily married for many years to come
33:57.6
34:03.0
Ah! I can see it now! Henry the 8th and his famous four wives
34:03.1
34:06.8
Oh please, no need to thank us, the pleasure has been ours—
34:06.9
34:10.6
In the Haus of Holbein!
34:14.1
34:15.8
The Haus of Holbein.
34:38.6
34:41.6
So I guess you already know what happened next.
34:42.8
34:49.0
How I came to England, hopeful, summoned after the king saw my portrait.
34:50.8
34:56.4
And how I, with my meager looks the way they are,
34:56.9
35:01.3
didn’t live up to his expectations.
35:02.8
35:04.9
It’s the usual story, isn’t it?
35:05.0
35:12.4
The savvy educated young princess deemed repulsive by the wheezing, wrinkled, ulcer-riddled man, twenty-four years her senior!
35:13.0
35:17.8
Rejection, rejection from a king!
35:19.2
35:27.7
I mean how can anyone overcome the fate as devastating as being forced to move into a resplendent palace in Richmond
35:27.8
35:35.7
with more money that I could spend in a lifetime?! And not a single man around to tell me what to do with it.
35:36.5
35:39.4
I mean seriously, it's just...
35:54.2
35:57.8
Sittin’ here all alone, on a throne
35:57.9
36:00.9
In a palace that I happen to own. Bring me some pheasant,
36:01.0
36:03.3
Keep it on the bone!
36:03.4
36:05.6
Fill my goblet up to the brim,
36:05.7
36:09.3
Sippin’ on mead and I spill it on my dress with a gold lace trim.
36:09.4
36:12.3
Not very prim and proper, can’t make me stop
36:12.4
36:17.8
I wanna go hunting, any takers? I’m not fake, ‘cause I’ve got acres and acres
36:17.9
36:20.3
Paid for with my own riches,
36:20.4
36:23.1
Where my hounds at? Release the bitches.
36:24.3
36:27.4
Everyday, head back for a round of croquet, yeah.
36:27.5
36:31.8
‘Cause I’m a player. And tomorrow, I’ll hit replay.
36:33.0
36:35.6
You said that I tricked ya.
36:37.3
36:41.0
I didn’t look like my profile picture.
36:42.0
36:45.1
Too bad I don’t agree.
36:45.2
36:50.0
So I’m gonna hang it up for everyone to see,
36:50.1
36:52.8
And you can’t stop me ‘cause
36:52.9
36:57.4
I’m the queen of the castle, get down, you dirty rascal.
37:04.3
37:06.7
Get down you dirty rascal
37:13.7
37:17.1
'Cause I'm the queen of the castle,
37:21.1
37:23.7
When I get bored,
37:23.8
37:25.0
I go to court
37:25.1
37:27.2
Pull up outside in my carriage,
37:27.3
37:30.9
Don’t got no marriage, so I have a little flirt with the footman
37:31.0
37:32.8
as he takes my fur.
37:47.8
37:49.7
As you were.
37:50.2
37:52.2
Makin’ my way to the dance floor,
37:52.3
37:55.0
Some boys makin’ advances, I ignore them.
37:55.1
37:58.1
As my jam comes on the lute. Lookin’ cute
37:58.2
37:59.2
Das ist gud
37:59.5
38:01.7
All eyes on me,
38:02.4
38:03.9
No criticism.
38:04.2
38:08.6
I look more rad than [Lutheranism.]
38:08.7
38:13.5
Dance so hard that I’m causing a sensation.
38:13.6
38:17.6
Okay, ladies, let’s get in reformation.
38:17.7
38:21.9
You, you said that I tricked ya.
38:22.0
38:26.6
‘Cause I, I didn’t look like my profile picture
38:26.7
38:30.9
Too, too bad I don’t agree.
38:31.0
38:38.6
So I’m gonna hang it up for everyone to see, and you can’t stop me ‘cause
38:38.7
38:44.1
I’m the queen of the castle, get down, you dirty rascal. Get down
38:47.6
38:52.4
Get down, you dirty rascal.
38:52.5
38:58.0
Get down. Get down.
38:59.3
39:02.6
‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle.
39:02.7
39:04.3
Hey bestfriend~
39:04.6
39:06.5
here's the thing
39:06.6
39:13.2
Now, I ain’t sayin’ I’m a gold digger, but check my prenup, and go figure. I got [Gold chains],
39:13.3
39:15.6
Symbolic of my faith to the higher power.
39:15.7
39:20.5
In the [Fast lane], my horses can trot up to twelve miles an hour
39:20.8
39:29.9
Let me explain, I’m a Wienerschnitzel, not an English flower. No one tells me I need a rich man, doin’ my thing in my palace Richmond.
39:30.0
39:34.3
You, you said that I tricked ya, [tricked ya]
39:34.4
39:39.3
‘Cause I, I didn’t look like my profile picture [What are you doing?]
39:39.4
39:42.7
Too, too bad I don’t agree.
39:42.9
39:47.6
So I’m gonna hang it up [hang it up, hang it up] for everyone to see,[Henry!]
39:48.3
39:52.9
And you can’t stop, You can’t stop me ‘cause—
39:53.0
39:58.3
‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle, Get down you dirty rascal, get down!
39:58.4
40:03.2
You rascal get up, get up, get up, up, up, this is broadway
40:05.7
40:07.8
Okay that's enough! Get down!
40:07.9
40:12.7
Do that next time with me [Get down]
40:13.8
40:17.2
Cause I'm the queen of the castle.
40:38.9
40:40.9
So yeah, yeah,
40:41.0
40:43.9
it was really heartbreaking.
40:44.0
40:46.4
That doesn’t sound difficult at all.
40:50.5
40:51.8
Oh yeah... I guess you’re right.
40:51.9
40:53.6
I probably won’t win then.
40:55.0
40:59.5
back to the palace.
41:02.3
41:05.3
So now there’s one horse out of the race.
41:06.1
41:09.3
Let’s take a moment to check back in with the competition.
41:09.4
41:11.3
So, who's still in the running?
41:11.4
41:14.5
Will it be: the devoted wife, the divorcee
41:14.6
41:17.5
Or the one who actually had problems to deal with
41:17.6
41:22.6
Whoa, whoa, whoa, problems? My son had to deal with the loss of his mother
41:22.7
41:27.4
Wow, yeah kinda like how my body had to deal with the loss of its head!
41:27.5
41:31.6
oh please, please! come on now, can't you see what's happening?
41:31.7
41:36.4
Compare with your losses isn't going to change the fact that I've already won, I mean
41:36.5
41:42.4
I was literally shipped over from a foreign country, not knowing a word of English, to marry some random dude!
41:42.7
41:46.1
Oh my God! Same!
41:52.6
41:57.0
When Henry decided he had enough of me, he didn't even have the decency to say goodbye
41:58.1
41:59.0
Yeah! Same!
41:59.1
42:00.2
Nice neck by the way!
42:02.0
42:05.1
Okay, alright, fine! how about this?
42:06.0
42:09.8
When my one and only child had a raging fever--
42:09.9
42:12.9
He wouldn't even let me, her mother see-
42:13.0
42:15.0
Oh! Boo-hoo!
42:15.1
42:18.7
Baby Mary had the chickenpox and you weren’t there to hold her hand!
42:18.8
42:21.8
You know, it's funny, because when I wanted to hold my newborn son,
42:31.3
42:33.4
Guys! I have the plague!
42:35.3
42:36.2
lol, I'm just kidding,
42:36.3
42:38.7
my life is amazing!
42:39.7
42:40.4
Okay, you know what
42:40.9
42:43.6
I think it’s time we heard for our next queen,
42:43.7
42:46.1
Kate Howard.
42:49.1
42:51.5
Wait, who's that again?
42:51.6
42:55.4
Um, I think, she was the least relevant Catherine.
42:55.5
42:57.7
Oh yeah, yeah,
42:57.8
43:00.3
Now I still don't care.
43:00.4
43:01.5
Oh, ha ha, it's funny.
43:01.6
43:06.4
Yeah, speaking of funny, good luck trying to compete with us, honey.
43:07.2
43:08.6
You're right,
43:08.7
43:09.8
you’re right
43:09.9
43:13.5
I’m gonna need all the luck I can get, your lives sounded terrible
43:13.9
43:14.7
and your songs...
43:16.3
43:17.8
really helped to convey that.
43:19.2
43:20.7
I mean, Catherine,
43:21.6
43:23.8
almost moving into a nunnery
43:24.4
43:26.3
and then not?
43:27.4
43:31.3
Not almost could’ve been really hard for you.
43:31.7
43:34.0
And Anne, getting your head chopped off?
43:34.6
43:36.8
Surely, that means you’ll win the competition—
43:38.7
43:40.5
Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded...
43:48.8
43:51.3
dying of natural causes?
43:52.5
43:55.5
When will justice be served?!
44:01.6
44:03.3
And surviving..
44:08.0
44:10.1
But seriously, Anna, all jokes aside,
44:10.4
44:14.7
Getting rejected for your looks legit sounds really rough.
44:15.1
44:17.6
I wouldn’t know anything about that.
44:18.8
44:21.1
I mean look at me, I’m really hot.
44:21.2
44:24.9
So yeah. I can’t even begin to think of how I compete with you all.
44:25.0
44:26.0
Oh wait, like this...
44:27.3
44:30.6
[All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.]
44:30.7
44:34.0
I think we can all agree, I’m the ten amongst these threes.
44:34.1
44:37.2
[All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.]
44:37.3
44:40.7
And ever since I was a child, I’d make the boys go wild.
44:40.8
44:43.8
[All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.]
44:43.9
44:46.9
Take my first music teacher, Henry Mannox.
44:47.2
44:50.3
I was young, it’s true, but even then I knew..
44:50.4
44:52.8
The only thing you wanna do is...
44:54.0
44:57.1
Broad, dark, sexy Mannox
44:57.2
45:00.7
Taught me all about dynamics.
45:00.8
45:03.7
He was twenty-three,
45:04.0
45:07.2
And I was thirteen going on thirty.
45:07.3
45:10.2
We spent hours strumming the lute.
45:10.5
45:13.7
Striking the chords and blowing the flute.
45:13.8
45:16.8
He plucked my strings all the way to G,
45:16.9
45:20.5
Went from major to minor, C to D.
45:20.6
45:23.7
Tell me what you need,
45:23.8
45:27.2
What you want, you don’t need to plead.
45:27.3
45:30.3
'Cause I feel the chemistry.
45:30.4
45:33.6
Like I get you, and you get me.
45:33.7
45:36.7
And maybe this is it,
45:36.8
45:40.5
He just cares so much, it feels legit.
45:40.6
45:43.5
We have a connection.
45:44.1
45:50.0
I think this guy is different.
45:50.5
45:54.1
‘Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
45:54.2
45:57.4
Is touch me, love me, can’t get enoughsie.
45:57.6
46:00.7
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
46:00.8
46:04.4
Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
46:04.5
46:10.8
Run your fingers through my hair, tell me I’m the fairest of the fair.
46:11.2
46:13.9
[Playtime’s over.]
46:14.0
46:16.7
The only thing you wanna do is...
46:18.4
46:20.5
There was another guy. Francis.
46:20.6
46:23.0
And at the time, I was living at my step-grandma’s house;
46:23.1
46:27.5
He was working for her. Working so so hard.
46:27.6
46:32.1
So he asked me to be his little piece of ass...istant.
46:32.4
46:35.7
Serious, stern and slow,
46:35.8
46:38.8
Gets what he wants and he won’t take no.
46:39.2
46:45.8
Passion in all that he touches. The sexy secretary to the dowager duchess.
46:45.9
46:49.0
Helped him in his office, had a duty to fulfill.
46:49.1
46:52.2
He even let me use his favourite quill.
46:52.3
46:55.5
Spilt ink all over the parchment, my wrist was so tired.
46:55.6
46:59.1
Still, I came back the next day as he required.
46:59.2
47:05.7
You see, I’m all you need. All you want, you don’t need to plead.
47:05.8
47:12.1
‘Cause I feel the chemistry. Like I get you and you get me.
47:12.2
47:19.1
And I know this it, he just cares so much, this one’s legit.
47:19.2
47:22.0
We have a real connection.
47:22.7
47:29.0
I’m sure this time is different.
47:29.1
47:32.8
‘Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
47:32.9
47:36.1
Is touch me, love me, can’t get enoughsie.
47:36.2
47:39.2
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.
47:39.3
47:42.9
Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
47:43.0
47:49.3
You can’t wait a second more to get my corset on the floor.
47:49.9
47:52.4
[Playtime’s over.]
47:52.5
47:55.6
The only thing you wanna do is..
47:56.9
47:58.9
Yeah, that didn’t work out.
47:59.2
48:03.8
It turns out, some guys just employ girls into their private chambers.
48:03.9
48:06.6
'Twas different time back then.
48:06.7
48:11.5
So I decided to have a break from boys, just focus on my career
48:11.8
48:17.2
and my dad got me this amazing workplace in court, and you’ll never guess who I met!
48:17.6
48:20.9
Tall, large, Henry the VIII;
48:21.0
48:23.8
Supreme head of the church of England.
48:24.7
48:31.0
Globally revered. Although you wouldn’t know it from the look of that beard.
48:31.1
48:33.6
Made me a lady in waiting,
48:33.7
48:37.6
Hurled me and my family up in the world.
48:37.7
48:40.7
Gave me duties in court and he swears it true
48:40.8
48:44.1
That without me he doesn’t know what he’d do.
48:44.6
48:50.8
You see, I’m all you need. All you want, we both agree
48:50.9
48:57.4
This is the place for me. I’m finally where I’m meant to be.
48:57.5
49:00.8
Then he starts saying all this stuff.
49:01.2
49:04.4
He cares so much he calls me “love”.
49:04.5
49:07.5
He says we have a connection.
49:07.9
49:14.3
I guess it’s not so different.
49:14.4
49:18.1
‘Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
49:18.2
49:21.5
Is touch me, love me, can’t get enoughsie.
49:21.6
49:24.6
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
49:24.7
49:28.2
Is seize me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
49:28.3
49:31.2
There’s no time for when or how
49:31.3
49:34.8
‘Cause you just gotta have me now.
49:35.3
49:38.0
[Playtime’s over.]
49:38.1
49:40.3
The only thing you wanna do is..
49:43.7
49:45.2
So we got married...
49:49.5
49:53.1
With Henry, it isn’t easy.
49:53.2
49:56.2
His temper’s short and his friends are sleazy.
49:56.3
50:01.1
Except for this one courtier. He’s a really nice guy,
50:01.2
50:02.8
Just so sincere.
50:02.9
50:06.3
The royal life isn’t what I planned
50:06.4
50:09.4
But Thomas is there to lend a helping hand.
50:09.5
50:16.2
So sweet, makes sure that I’m okay. And we hang out loads when the king’s away.
50:16.7
50:23.0
This guy, finally is what I want, the friend I need.
50:23.1
50:29.5
Just friends, no chemistry. I get him and he gets me.
50:29.6
50:32.5
And there’s nothing more to it.
50:32.6
50:36.4
He just cares so much, he’s devoted.
50:36.5
50:41.3
He says we have a... connection.
50:47.7
50:51.0
I thought this time was different,
50:51.1
50:54.3
Why did I think he’d be different?
50:54.4
51:03.7
But it’s never, ever different.
51:04.4
51:07.9
‘Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
51:08.0
51:11.5
Is touch me, when will enough be enoughsie?!
51:11.6
51:14.5
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
51:14.6
51:18.4
Is squeeze me, don’t care if you don’t please me.
51:18.5
51:25.1
Bite my lip and pull my hair, as you tell me I’m the fairest of the fair.
51:25.2
51:31.2
[Playtime’s over.]
51:31.3
51:38.1
[Playtime’s over.] Playtime’s Over!
51:38.2
51:43.0
The only thing, the only thing, The only thing you wanna do is...
52:09.0
52:10.3
And then I was beheaded!
52:11.1
52:14.4
Wow, I know, I know, so--
52:14.5
52:19.9
I guess seeing as I've now won the competition, all I wanna do is take this opportunity
52:20.0
52:23.8
to thank all of the powerful men who got me to where I am today!
52:23.9
52:25.2
Couldn't have done that without ya!
52:25.3
52:29.9
Thank you New York! You've been a great audience! Thank you so much!
52:34.6
52:36.9
Yeah, you, you had it bad,
52:37.0
52:41.3
but that was not the most heart wrenching song we’ve heard this evening.
52:41.9
52:45.0
Oh I'm sorry, were you not listening to my song?
52:45.3
52:47.4
There were four choruses,
52:47.5
52:49.7
that’s how much sh- I had to deal with.
52:49.8
52:54.7
Yeah, sorry so true, when you've died and your son did have to grow without a mo-- oh wait
52:54.8
52:56.2
that was me and no one care where you died
52:56.3
52:58.5
Jane! Chill out!
52:58.6
53:02.1
It's not her fault no one remembers her bland and uneventful life!
53:02.6
53:05.8
Kate, honestly, I don't want it to be weird between us
53:05.9
53:10.3
Just because my beheading was the result of years of actual trauma and humiliation
53:10.4
53:14.0
Oh, calm down Anne! You seriously want to talk about humiliation?
53:14.1
53:16.9
Okay, well when I was Queen, Henry had not one,
53:18.3
53:22.2
but three historically confirmed mistresses!
53:23.4
53:25.2
my gooood, mistre-
53:25.3
53:26.2
get over it.
53:26.8
53:28.1
When I was Queen,
53:28.2
53:29.5
I had not one-
53:33.7
53:35.3
MISCARRIAGES!
53:35.4
53:38.7
Oh, you know what Anne, you loser! I had--
53:39.6
53:40.9
FIVE MISCARRIAGES
53:41.1
53:46.2
Why not we just move along, shall we, c'mon Queens, Catherine babe it's your turn
54:00.9
54:02.6
You know what? I'm good
54:08.5
54:11.0
I just, I can't
54:11.1
54:13.7
Keep doing this
54:31.0
54:32.9
Sorry, it's it's just
54:33.0
54:35.8
hello, woah wait hey, um,
54:35.9
54:39.2
could we turn off all of the-
54:42.1
54:44.4
Look, I don't know, it's just
54:44.5
54:47.6
we're here in front of all these people being like
54:47.7
54:50.5
Ooh, let's see what gets the biggest cheer, trauma or abuse
54:50.6
54:52.5
Whoa, like--
54:52.6
54:54.8
Should we really be doing this?
54:55.8
54:59.7
I mean we've literally been doing that for the last hour.
54:59.8
55:02.1
I know, but-
55:02.5
55:04.6
miscarriages?
55:04.7
55:06.7
really? isn't that a bit-
55:08.7
55:10.8
Ooh, someone has a conscience all of a sudden.
55:10.9
55:15.2
Ooh, “I’m Catherine Parr, I draw lines in arbitrary places.” Blah-blah-blah!
55:15.3
55:18.2
You know what Queens, she just knows she’s not gonna win.
55:18.3
55:20.6
Ohhh, so she's trying to make us look stupid
55:20.9
55:23.1
instead of playing by the rules like everyone else
55:25.3
55:29.9
See this whole thing is literally just--, I don't--
55:39.0
55:40.8
You know what Queens if it's..
55:41.1
55:44.3
a sob story you want..
55:44.4
55:45.9
I will give you one.
55:46.3
55:47.8
Are you sure Catherine?
55:48.1
55:49.9
We don't mind if you want to sit this one out, I mean
55:50.0
55:53.3
You must be exhausted from all those backing vocals.
55:55.9
55:58.8
You're right, I should sing a song. It's only fair
55:59.2
56:03.3
Go on, Queens, take a seat.
56:09.8
56:11.3
Hey everyone,
56:13.2
56:15.6
is it alright if we try something a bit..
56:20.1
56:24.1
hi! can I get back my beautiful light back?
56:26.7
56:29.1
uh, Joan, could you give me a cute little..
56:29.2
56:30.9
B flat major..
56:41.5
56:44.6
Just for a bit of context
56:44.7
56:47.2
I've actually had my fair share of marriages,
56:48.3
56:50.8
something Henry and I have in common, I guess.
56:51.3
56:55.7
Though unlike him, I did managed to get through them without decapitating anyone.
56:55.8
56:58.6
I know, gold star for Cathy Parr.
57:00.6
57:04.1
But the thing is, they had this really annoying habit of passing away
57:04.2
57:08.1
and so, as well as dealing with, you know, incapacitating grief.
57:08.2
57:13.3
I also had to keep finding new husbands to avoid being ostracised.
57:13.4
57:16.9
Yeah, Tudor womanhood,
57:17.2
57:19.1
would recommend.
57:22.3
57:26.2
And then one day,
57:28.6
57:31.3
I meet this guy,
57:34.4
57:36.3
He seemed like he might stickaround for a while.
57:36.9
57:41.5
And you guessed it, he turned out to be the love of my life. I know right?
57:43.1
57:46.4
We had this plan to get married, actually.
57:49.0
57:50.3
But that’s when Henry turned up,
57:50.9
57:53.9
single and ready to make an unsuspecting woman his wife.
57:55.6
57:57.1
Just my luck.
57:58.4
58:00.9
So that was that.
58:01.0
58:04.2
I had to write a letter to Thomas,
58:04.8
58:09.0
ending things.
58:09.1
58:11.4
Dear Tom...
58:12.2
58:16.3
You know I love you, boy.
58:16.4
58:18.9
In every single way.
58:19.5
58:22.5
Though I love you, boy.
58:23.6
58:26.4
I’ll miss you everyday.
58:26.8
58:29.5
Oh I love you, boy.
58:30.6
58:34.0
I wish that I could stay with you
58:34.1
58:39.0
And keep the life I made with you.
58:40.2
58:46.3
And even though this,
58:46.4
58:51.2
feels so right,
58:52.6
58:58.7
I’m holding back the
58:58.8
59:03.6
tears tonight.
59:04.6
59:08.9
It’s true I’ll never be over you.
59:09.6
59:15.5
‘Cause I have built a future in my mind with you.
59:15.9
59:21.8
And now the hope is gone there’s nothing left for me to do.
59:21.9
59:25.2
You know it isn’t true,
59:25.3
59:28.4
But I must say to you
59:28.5
59:33.3
That I don’t need your love, no, no.
59:34.3
59:39.0
I don’t need your love, no, no.
59:39.5
59:44.8
It’ll never be better than it was, no, no.
59:45.5
59:50.7
But I don’t need your love, no, no.
59:51.6
59:54.1
I’ve got no choice.
59:54.6
59:56.4
With the king, I stay alive.
59:56.5
59:58.6
Never had a choice.
59:58.7
60:01.6
Been a wife twice before, just to survive.
60:01.7
60:03.6
I don’t have a choice.
60:03.7
60:07.0
If Henry says it’s you, then it’s you.
60:07.1
60:09.4
No matter how I feel,
60:09.5
60:12.2
It’s what I have to do.
60:12.3
60:15.7
But if, somehow,
60:15.8
60:21.0
I had a choice.
60:22.2
60:25.7
No holding back,
60:25.8
60:30.1
I’d raise my voice.
60:30.2
60:35.3
I’d say, “Henry, yeah, it’s true, I’ll never belong to you
60:35.6
60:40.5
‘Cause I am not your toy to enjoy ‘til there’s something new.
60:40.6
60:45.7
As if I’d give up my boy, my work, my dreams to care for you. Ha!
60:45.8
60:47.7
Darling, get a clue.
60:48.0
60:50.6
There’s nothing you can do.
60:50.7
60:55.1
I don’t need your love, no, no.
60:55.2
61:00.0
No, I don’t need your love, no, no.
61:00.1
61:04.9
There’s nothing left to discuss, no, no.
61:05.0
61:10.5
'Cause I don’t need your love, no, no.”
61:14.8
61:17.0
But the thing is, I can’t say that.
61:18.8
61:21.9
Not to the king.
61:22.9
61:25.6
So this is goodbye.
61:26.3
61:27.6
All my love,
61:30.5
61:33.4
So I sent that letter to my love, got married to the king,
61:33.5
61:39.4
Became the one who survived. I’ve told you about my life, the final wife.
61:39.5
61:43.9
But why should that story be the one I have to sing about,
61:44.0
61:45.5
Just to win? I’m out
61:45.6
61:49.6
That’s not my story. There’s so much more,
61:49.7
61:55.4
Remember that I was a writer, I wrote books and psalms and meditations.
61:55.5
62:02.0
Fought for female education, so all my women could independently study scripture.
62:02.1
62:05.5
I even got a woman to paint my picture.
62:05.6
62:08.2
Why can’t I tell that story?
62:08.3
62:10.9
‘Cause in history
62:11.0
62:14.9
I’m fixed as one of six.
62:15.0
62:18.6
And without him,
62:19.0
62:25.8
I disappear.
62:44.1
62:45.9
Wait, I don’t get it.
62:47.5
62:48.8
Okay, look.
62:49.6
62:51.9
Why does anyone know who we are?
62:52.4
62:53.4
My sixth finger.
62:53.5
62:55.8
Put it away, babe.
62:55.9
62:59.9
No. Okay, let me put it in a different way. um..
63:00.0
63:02.9
Who was Henry VII’s wife?
63:08.1
63:08.9
I don’t know.
63:10.9
63:12.1
[I don't know]
63:12.2
63:15.6
Okay.. Who's Henry VI’s wife?
63:17.9
63:19.6
And Henry V’s wife?
63:19.9
63:21.5
[We don’t know.]
63:21.6
63:24.1
Catherine de Valois—
63:25.3
63:26.5
Oh, we don’t know.
63:28.1
63:29.1
The point is,
63:30.2
63:35.7
the only reason these people have come here today is because once upon a time—
63:35.8
63:37.5
The same guy fell in love with us.
63:39.3
63:41.4
Wait, isn't there a bigger problem here?
63:41.5
63:43.0
The dissolution of the monasteries
63:43.1
63:47.5
No, I'm talking about us, cause as soon as we get together as a group-
63:47.6
63:51.6
-Everyone notices Jane can't dance, yeah!
63:51.7
63:53.4
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
63:53.5
63:56.3
We compare ourselves,
63:57.1
64:01.6
And when we're the six wives of Henry VIII, we each become just that.
64:02.5
64:04.1
One of his wives.
64:08.9
64:11.0
Oh my God, I get it.
64:11.1
64:14.2
Since the only thing we have in common is our husband,
64:14.3
64:23.6
grouping us is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical approach ingrained in patriarchal structures...
64:32.0
64:33.9
So basically, we’re stuck.
64:36.8
64:38.6
What a waste of time!
64:39.5
64:43.5
Well, I guess there's not much we can do about it now?
65:20.6
65:21.8
You know what..
65:24.8
65:27.9
I wish it like, before we spend the whole show competing,
65:28.0
65:30.7
we realized that we turn out to be such a mess
65:30.8
65:35.4
Oh, yeah, because if we had realize,then we could have done something else
65:35.5
65:39.8
like maybe even a fake competition to show everyone how mess up comparing this is
65:40.9
65:44.3
And then we could have found some cool way to like, I don't know
65:44.7
65:48.0
Reclaim our stories and like all become the leading ladies
65:48.1
65:50.4
Oh, we could have done that as a song!
65:50.5
65:53.1
Now, we could've tied up everything together so neatly
65:54.0
65:57.3
If only we'd have thought of it before
66:05.8
66:07.3
So we had no choice.
66:08.8
66:10.5
But now it’s us alone.
66:10.6
66:11.7
So we’ve got no choice,
66:11.8
66:12.9
No, we’ve got no choice.
66:13.0
66:15.1
We’re taking back the microphone.
66:15.2
66:17.7
I’m gonna raise my voice.
66:18.1
66:20.2
They always said we’d need your love,
66:20.3
66:25.0
But it’s time for us to rise above.
66:25.1
66:33.7
It’s not what went down in history.
66:33.8
66:42.4
But tonight, I’m singing this for me.
66:47.0
66:51.2
Henry, yeah, I’m through. Too many times it’s been told.
66:51.5
66:56.1
And I have had enough love stories to get old.
66:56.3
67:00.5
And you might think it’s tough, but I’ve got to let your love run cold.
67:00.8
67:05.6
We’re taking back control, you need to know
67:05.7
67:10.2
That I don’t need your love, no, no.
67:10.3
67:14.5
No, I don’t need your love, no, no.
67:14.6
67:19.4
Can’t let it get the better of us, no, no.
67:19.5
67:23.9
I don’t need your love, no, no
67:24.0
67:28.8
I don’t need your love, no, no.
67:28.9
67:33.4
[I don’t need your love, no, no.] I don’t need your love...!
67:33.5
67:38.3
[I don’t need your love, no, no.] I don’t need your love...!
67:38.4
67:42.8
[I don't need your] love
67:47.2
67:51.2
We don't need your love!
68:05.0
68:09.0
New York! We have a voice.
68:10.3
68:14.1
We have a voice!
68:14.5
68:18.6
And you know what? We might just be remembered for being married to the same man,
68:18.7
68:21.5
But why does anyone give a sh... who he is?
68:21.6
68:22.7
His continental campaigning?
68:22.8
68:23.7
His religious reforms?
68:23.8
68:24.4
Well, actually—
68:24.5
68:25.7
Now is not the time, Catherine.
68:25.8
68:28.9
Or do you think it might be, I don't know,
68:29.0
68:30.4
'Cause of his-
68:43.1
68:45.4
So New York! Before we go
68:45.9
68:50.3
What do you think? Are you ready for a royal happy ever after?!
68:54.6
68:55.9
Well, we don't have one.
68:57.0
69:00.0
We wish we could tell you our lives had happy endings.
69:00.1
69:01.6
But in reality, they didn’t.
69:01.9
69:04.4
And there’s nothing we can do to change that.
69:11.2
69:14.9
This is our show, and we can literally have whatever ending we want.
69:16.0
69:18.9
So New York, seeing that there is five minutes left of the show...
69:19.0
69:21.4
We've decided to give you our own-
69:21.5
69:22.8
-slightly edited version-
69:22.9
69:26.3
-of what actually went down, all those years ago
69:26.4
69:27.7
'Cause afterall..
69:28.7
69:31.5
We’re one of a kind,
69:32.1
69:35.4
No category.
69:36.2
69:39.0
Too many years,
69:39.5
69:42.6
Lost in his story.
69:44.3
69:48.8
To take our crowning glory.
69:49.7
69:57.4
For five more minutes,
69:59.6
70:01.9
Alright, Queens, shall we go on to what history we write?
70:02.0
70:04.1
Yeah, girl! You wanna go first?
70:04.2
70:06.4
They're hyped, let's go!
70:12.5
70:13.0
Here we go!
70:13.7
70:17.1
He got down on one knee, but I said, “No way.”
70:17.2
70:20.8
Packed my bags and moved into a n-n-nunnery.
70:21.2
70:24.5
Joined the gospel choir, our riffs were on fire.
70:24.6
70:27.9
At the top of the charts is where I’m gonna stay.
70:28.0
70:31.4
Henry sent me a poem about my green sleeves.
70:31.6
70:34.9
I changed a couple words, put it on a sick beat.
70:35.0
70:38.6
The song blew their minds. Next minute, I was signed.
70:38.7
70:41.8
And now I’m writing lyrics for Shakesy P.
70:42.3
70:45.6
Since my first son, our family’s grown.
70:45.9
70:49.0
We made a band and got quite well known.
70:49.5
70:53.9
You could perhaps call us the Tudor von Trapps. Okay, kidding,
70:54.3
70:56.9
We’re called the Royalling Stones.
70:59.0
71:02.6
We’re one of a kind, no category.
71:02.8
71:06.1
Too many years lost in history.
71:06.2
71:09.5
We’re free to take our crowning glory
71:09.6
71:14.0
For five more minutes, we’re SiX.
71:14.1
71:16.5
Alright, I got this, I got this!
71:17.6
71:21.0
What a shame, that my face, it cost me the crown.
71:21.1
71:24.7
So I moved to the [Haus of Holbein!] in my hometown.
71:24.8
71:28.4
His friends were super arty but I showed them how to party.
71:28.5
71:31.7
Now on my tour of Prussia, everybody “Gets Down.”
71:31.8
71:35.4
Music man tried it on, and I was like “bye.”
71:35.5
71:38.9
So I thought, who needs him? I can give it a try.
71:39.4
71:44.1
I learned everything, now all I do is sing.
71:44.2
71:46.0
And I’ll do that until I die.
71:46.2
71:49.6
Heard all about these rocking chicks.
71:49.9
71:53.2
Loved every song and each remix.
71:53.3
71:58.7
So I went out and found them, and we laid down an album. No, I don’t need your love.
71:58.8
72:02.3
All I need is SiX.
72:02.8
72:06.7
We’re one of a kind, no category.
72:06.9
72:10.0
Too many years lost in history.
72:10.1
72:13.5
We’re free to take our crowning glory
72:13.6
72:18.1
For five more minutes, we’re SiX.
72:18.8
72:20.5
Woah, woah,
72:22.4
72:24.0
Woah-oh-oh,
72:26.0
72:27.7
Woah, woah,
72:27.8
72:30.8
for four more minutes.
72:31.4
72:35.2
It’s the end of the show of the historemix.
72:35.3
72:38.8
We switched up the flow and we changed the prefix.
72:38.9
72:44.3
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives.
72:45.9
72:49.2
But we wanna say before we drop the curtain,
72:49.7
72:53.0
Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain.
72:53.1
73:02.1
All that we know is that we used to be six wives.
73:02.3
73:07.1
But now we’re one of a kind, no category.
73:07.5
73:10.4
Too many years lost in history.
73:10.5
73:14.0
We’re free to take our crowning glory
73:14.1
73:16.5
For three more minutes.
73:17.7
73:21.2
We’re one of a kind, no category.
73:21.6
73:24.7
Too many years lost in history.
73:24.8
73:28.2
We’re free to take our crowning glory
73:28.3
73:31.3
For two more minutes,
73:33.7
73:35.3
Woah, woah,
73:37.1
73:38.9
Woah-oh-oh,
73:40.4
73:42.3
Woah, woah,
73:42.4
73:47.2
for five, four, three, two, One more minute.
