This our original plan to cycle around Lake Constanz

arranged in strict Baldy Biker formation

Setting out at 6.03am with the hard discipline that I like ...

Mein Furher ... they are ...

They are all still in bed

They were all on the sauce last night and we cannot find a pulse amongst them

Everyone out apart from Uncle Frank, The Weather Girl, The Minster for Finance and Charlie the Postman

These Wood Choppers are out of control!

Completely out of control!

We go to the trouble of organsing a once in a life time trip for them

Bringing them to places they can't even spell

To experience freedom and be at one with nature

Mein Furher they were only having fun

Fun is not an option!

Mein Furher, they were only have a few beers

A few beers! If they want a few beers let them stay in Bradys in Terenure

Next thing you know, they will be having their own opinions, making suggestions, querying the leadership

This is the slippery slope, let me tell you, to Wood Choppers having their own mind

Can you imagine the chaos if they all get to have their own say? Carnage!

I have been sent to this world to bring order, to lead the Wood Choppers to the Promised Land

I said to Anne, they'd be lost without me

Nudge, The Vet, Big Phil, Drill, Fill & Bill, Richie, Dustin, Rory, Kev, Red Brick, Paolo

The Minster for Security, Pete the Pump, Marty Mc, Marty O, Rebel Marty, Big Dave, Little Seanie

Rodney, The Prof, Anto, Cords, Mark B - none of them have a clue!

It's ok Anne, we will find his meds

this is what happens

when you rely on this democracy shite

you get Mary Lou-natics

next thing you know, they will all be out voting for Sinn Féin

I wonder who does Mary Lou's wheels?