Schwartz has been having some success online dating.

He's been on a few dates, but they've all proven fruitless and He hasn't gotten his end wet once.

Now we are afraid he's going to fall for the first pretty girl that lets him touch her boobs.

He's a New Jersey life guard, he'll get laid before the next high tide if he wants.

Chief....................Schwartz....

Schwartz isn't a lifeguard anymore. He gave it up to be a firefighter/EMT at Horsham.

Everyone that thinks EMS is stupid needs to leave the room.

He's not a lifeguard??? Are you fucking kidding me??? He gave that up to be an EMT???

It's OK Miss Mopar, he swiped right on you too.

He gave up sunny beaches and tan women to be an Uber driver for the Horsham Center for Jewish Life.

But they also made him Chief Engineer.

He had free use of the row boat!

He can also now wear a leather helmet.

The free plastic helmet provides just as much protection.

Did he at least buy the helmet from Dags?

Remember when firemen used to get all the ass?

Now all they do is work multiple jobs, drink too much, and insult each other in chat groups.

At least he didn't become a Police Officer.

Art was a cop then switched to fireman. It worked out good for him, too good.

Does Schwartz still live in the ghetto?

I hear he doesn't even have a working oven. He can't bring a girl home if he wanted.

When I was his age you could just get a girl drunk to get in her pants.

Now you need to "connect" with them on some spiritual level through some app.

I hear girls today let you lick their assholes. Remember when that was a one-way street?

The didn't even shave their boxes back then.

I've been telling you that you need to trim better...and bleach that asshole.

Get married, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Never refer to your wife as your ex when she is right next to you.

Then puke in her new car.

I assure you it's not a good idea.

Does the Chief Engineer at least get a white helmet?