So I told Jose that South America wasn't big enough for the both of us. I told him he couldn't conquer Lima with his disgruntled, tiny army. Only I could do it.

So Jose is like, "you're insane, to care for these people you need a strong government like a Monarchy." Crazy, I know.

I told him a Republic was the only fair way to govern an Independant South America. We argued a little bit, but everyone knew Jose was a pushover at most things.

So I gave Jose a lil' slap on the face. "Come on Jose, get your shit together and see if you can make some changes elsewhere."

Then he says "But Simon, I was here first. I had to climb over the Andes to get this far. It's no fair."

You know what? I told him, "How about you go to Europe and change the system from there?"

He left.

He left!

All the way to freaking France!

People said it was self-imposed but I know that he was kicked out of every office he went to. People thought he was insane! Some grassroots hippie! Never came back, he was so embarrassed.

Almost immediately, I liberate Lima and send him a letter about how easy it was.

I lied and told him that all of South America was saying that Jose was the worst liberator in history!

I could hear him crying all the way from France!

Little snot got what he wanted in the end though. I declared myself Presidet for LIFE when I was finished liberating South America.

I had a chocolate milk fountain installed in my palace! Then I got the best painter in Gran Columbia to paint it for Jose and sent it to him!

No, but seriously, Jose did a lit of work to liberate southern South America. He was a true Patriot. Made my job so easy though!

Of course I got most of the credit though.

What a gullible guy! Like candy! From a baby!