00:00.0
00:04.3
We're trying our best to get shots off, but they keep blocking them
00:04.4
00:09.0
Charlie is doing his best to clean up at the back and Brad has been trying to hold the team together
00:09.1
00:15.6
Our passes just aren't connecting and our groins are all about to give at approximately the same time
00:15.7
00:20.5
We could try rainbow flicks. Diving headers. Bicycle kicks.
00:25.5
00:26.3
Our skill...
00:28.9
00:30.9
Our skill isn't up to your standards.
00:31.0
00:35.8
It's 9pm on a Thursday. We're tired
00:50.2
00:57.6
Zach. Dewi. Jamie. Charlie. You're not good enough.
01:09.7
01:16.8
I'm missing Jeopardy reruns for this? A bunch of "soccer players" who can't even kick a ball in a straight line?
01:16.9
01:21.7
We won a treble this year and now you can't even run the length of a gymnasium before you're sucking wind?
01:21.8
01:25.7
You couldn't trap a bag of sand if I passed it to you.
01:25.8
01:30.6
I dive, dive, dive all game long to keep this team in contention. And for what?!
01:30.7
01:35.5
You kick the ball like my grandmother understands online banking: very poorly!
01:35.6
01:38.5
Keith, we're just here for fun...
01:38.6
01:42.2
Fun? It's only fun if we win!
01:42.3
01:44.0
Keith, please, you're hurting our feelings
01:44.1
01:48.9
Feelings are for losers. If you play for the Crocs, you'd better be willing to die for the Crocs.
01:51.7
01:58.3
A group of blindfolded children with their legs tied together could string together more passes than you.
01:58.4
02:03.2
Zach, you're too fancy. Pass it or shoot it. You're shit.
02:03.3
02:08.1
Tyson, how big does the net have to be for you to score a penalty?
02:08.2
02:10.9
Jamie, your ICBC rebates can't save you here!
02:11.0
02:17.9
Charlie, you might as well ride your bike right on home, pal!
02:21.6
02:23.2
I'm sorry, guys. I stubbed my toe earlier.
02:23.3
02:28.1
It really hurt, but it's no excuse for that outburst.
02:34.1
02:42.2
If I don't win, my kids make fun of me when I get home. They make me sleep on the floor.
02:42.3
02:46.1
It's cold! I get scared!
02:46.2
02:51.0
Do you know what that's like? Being scared?
02:52.0
02:57.9
If I don't die of a heart attack before this season is over, I promise to never pass the ball to any of you again next outdoor season.
02:58.0
03:02.8
It's alright, Brad. Please, don't cry. This is how he is sometimes.
03:06.2
03:09.3
I only learned to tie my shoes when I was 23.
03:11.2
03:15.7
The bunny ears were too difficult.
03:17.0
03:19.9
I just really want to win.
03:23.1
03:26.7
When I scream at you, it's because I care about you.
03:32.0
03:39.1
Every misplaced pass, every ball kicked into the rafters is like a slap in the face.
03:44.7
03:46.7
Shitty fucking Crocs.