Half-Time With Keith

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1
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We're trying our best to get shots off, but 
they keep blocking them

2
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Charlie is doing his best to clean up at 
the back and Brad has been trying to hold 
the team together

3
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:15,600
Our passes just aren't connecting and our 
groins are all about to give at approximately 
the same time

4
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We could try rainbow flicks. Diving headers. 
Bicycle kicks.

5
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Keith...

6
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Our skill...

7
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Our skill isn't up to your standards.

8
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It's 9pm on a Thursday. We're tired

9
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Zach. Dewi. Jamie. Charlie. You're not good 
enough.

10
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I'm missing Jeopardy reruns for this? A bunch 
of "soccer players" who can't even kick a 
ball in a straight line?

11
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We won a treble this year and now you can't 
even run the length of a gymnasium before 
you're sucking wind?

12
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You couldn't trap a bag of sand if I passed 
it to you.

13
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I dive, dive, dive all game long to keep 
this team in contention. And for what?!

14
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You kick the ball like my grandmother understands 
online banking: very poorly!

15
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Keith, we're just here for fun...

16
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Fun? It's only fun if we win!

17
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Keith, please, you're hurting our feelings

18
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Feelings are for losers. If you play for 
the Crocs, you'd better be willing to die 
for the Crocs.

19
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A group of blindfolded children with their 
legs tied together could string together 
more passes than you.

20
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:03,200
Zach, you're too fancy. Pass it or shoot 
it. You're shit.

21
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:08,100
Tyson, how big does the net have to be for 
you to score a penalty?

22
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Jamie, your ICBC rebates can't save you here!

23
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:17,900
Charlie, you might as well ride your bike 
right on home, pal!

24
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I'm sorry, guys. I stubbed my toe earlier.

25
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It really hurt, but it's no excuse for that 
outburst.

26
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If I don't win, my kids make fun of me when 
I get home. They make me sleep on the floor.

27
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It's cold! I get scared!

28
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Do you know what that's like? Being scared?

29
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If I don't die of a heart attack before this 
season is over, I promise to never pass the 
ball to any of you again next outdoor season.

30
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It's alright, Brad. Please, don't cry. This 
is how he is sometimes.

31
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I only learned to tie my shoes when I was 
23.

32
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The bunny ears were too difficult.

33
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I just really want to win.

34
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When I scream at you, it's because I care 
about you.

35
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Every misplaced pass, every ball kicked into 
the rafters is like a slap in the face.

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Shitty fucking Crocs.

YouTube url:	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccctqpzU0dA
Created:	27. 11. 2021 04:04:13

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Half-Time With Keith